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plucking chords
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plucking chords |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia 
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you pluck the chords one by one until the heartbeat is done; nothing left to resonate who knows where the notes go when no one is there to hear or care or repeat love's refrain [This message has been edited by Midnitesun (11-06-2006 11:11 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Kathleen Kacy Stafford - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Very nicely done. Short and succint and does cut to the quick. Only thing I might change is the comma after 'is done' to a semicolon, though I could very well be mistaken. That's the beauty of nothing much to nitpick.  |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
 thank you Alicatfor reading and suggesting not sure here either if the comma/semicoln matters where matters of the heart bleed out thoughts with no regard for correctness  |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
This is sadly beautiful. Very nicely done indeed. hugs, Chris |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Guess I should've clarified my suggestion. The semicolon gives a little bit more of a verbal pause after the first breath of 5 lines, accentuating 'nothing left to resonate' which creates a bit more impact when read aloud. Which is how I normally read things to get the flow, beat, rhythm. Very well done, by the by, with just enough emotional charge without slipping into the maudlin. |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
Kacy, this is beautiful... and the semicolon works...  |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Smiling here. I really do enjoy this forum and the gentleness of your replies. |
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