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Another Sonnet
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Another Sonnet |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
The Boogeyman Plays the Part of a Disturbed Reductionist Postmodern Child Of Divorcing Parents Experiencing Anew the Fights Downstairs The boogeyman can be explained -- the ancestral screams of guys in trees, their arms wrapped around the bark for fear of death below in dreams. They could not cover their ears and evade the sound of mom and dad downstairs voicing their themes of anger while listening ears upstairs abound. I learned of marriage and love, and how it redeems the stuff in marriage I know will reside and resound, through the years -- a new boogeyman, it seems. So I'll sit up here and write my book to astound my untamed future self and its suppressive regimes and its sadistic passionate blood-soaked ground. I'll have a passage for each day, a new page where I'll experience anew the source of my rage. 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
I can see why the title was included as part of the sonnet instead of in the title space.  As for the sonnet, the repition of 'ound' and 'eems' in the alternating tercets was very good, though the meter wandered between four and seven beats. Also, the foot was inconsistent, going from trochaic to iambic from line to line sans design, although this could all be intentional variance from the classical sonnet forms. The subject was definately modern, as well as timeless: another's outside-inside view of marital friction, and the baggage, or bogeyman, carried in one's mind and on one's back until such time as the extra weight is dropped. For additional information, check out http://www.poeticbyway.com/glossary.html , which can also be found at netpoets.com in the writer's help area. That site has some very good information and definitions which I've found invaluable. Alicat |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I agree about the foot inconsistencies and would have enjoyed this poem a lot more had I not read it under the promise of a "sonnet." Call it something else and I'll be happier.  The rhyming is indeed very interesting and yet it seems like you've written it well without letting it tie you down in any way whatsoever. I think you did that nicely, even if the flow frustrated me. I probably would have enjoyed this more had I read it as spoken, rather than trying to instill a lyrical element to the flow which you'd clearly neglected. As for the meaning, don't let all that yelling get you down, and what's more, don't let it make up the bulk of your written work. There are more important things to write about, and nobody likes a Sylvia Plath. Take care, Brian Faith is a fine invention |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Alan et Al: Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately, I suppose I was not quite as stringent with form as I ought to have been. However, I am glad that my tight rhyming scheme worked well here. I've some time off now for the holidays during which I can finally cry about all the things that went wrong academically this year. So, hope to see u all around here more frequently. Maybe I'll try and write another disturbed sonnet, but this time more stringent and true with the flow. 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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