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Sonnet IX
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Sonnet IX |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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Sonnet IX on waking from a dream A night I lay'd upon a bed of stones And, numbering white masses, slid mine eyes From waking life, into the land of lies Which I'd been taught was naught but empty tones--- But when I stood, all time had melted 'way And permanance cut visceral my doubt--- My vision hot, I thrust my gaze about To find myself---A nearby child at play Ran circles with a mighty swallow, twirling, And laughing the sweet cry of Innocence: He could not see as I---The heav'ns evinc'd And I saw a vast smile in cloudlight swirling; Though on the wind, white doves like leaflets falling, Grave answer left the swallow to his calling. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
To find myself -- a nearby child at play ran circles with a mighty swallow, twirling and laughing the sweet cry of Innocence. I actually read the sonnet before reading the heading ( on waking from a dream ) and you've described this wonderfully. I have a personal interpretation, however, that may be shared at a later time. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
everything about this fits perfectly. I think it came off a little edgier than most things I have read by you, but then the second time eased me down a little. I think I'm just a little hyper. I get that way when I haven't slept much. some of these lines really stood out to me with a faintly nostalgic feeling. but I hate to choose favorites.  What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall? All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall. -yorke/bjork [This message has been edited by Wind (10-20-2003 03:47 PM).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"A night I lay'd upon a bed of stones And, numbering white masses, slid mine eyes From waking life, into the land of lies Which I'd been taught was naught but empty tones--- But when I stood, all time had melted 'way And permanance cut visceral my doubt--- My vision hot, I thrust my gaze about To find myself---A nearby child at play Ran circles with a mighty swallow, twirling, And laughing the sweet cry of Innocence: He could not see as I---The heav'ns evinc'd And I saw a vast smile in cloudlight swirling; Though on the wind, white doves like leaflets falling, Grave answer left the swallow to his calling." Your mastery with the language quite often leaves me envious (as you know--because I tell you this all the time) Yet in this particular sonnet I find some of the meter rather forced (the repetitive use of the word "And" at the beginning of several lines) and? (chuckles and wink) I did find this line just a bit awkward to my tongue: "He could not see as I---The heav'ns evinc'd" I would love it if you'd explain your choices to me however, because (in spite of what you think) while I understand syllable count--I have trouble with "stresses". So...smile, take any criticism I offer with the grain of salt of understanding that it is offered not in the belief that I am RIGHT, but more in hopes that you might educate me. And? (<---still teasing you) even as is, I can only hope to write this well some day. And? (somebody stop me) that last line is superb. |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
well done |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
this was well written i really like it. i haven't seem much of anything here but i do hope to see more. keep writing when you live you begin to die |
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