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Union (retitled, slightly revised)
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Union (retitled, slightly revised) |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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In Winter, in the urban age of Death Roll'd through contaminated snow the tires Of muted thought, of isolated pyres Snuff'd silently and sprawl'd with mocking breadth; Humiliation hath no sister trait: In silence, still upon its lonely task A solitary snowdrop downward stared To the bright yellow-splashèd realm of Hate Suspended in an apprehensive mask Its toes curl'd inward, through the hazy dark it fared. The visage of the ostentatious realm Of paradoxic paradise compell'd My vision through the window-seat, and held Me with its promise, and did overwhelm My virgin senses with encroaching aim; There, in the sleepy drift of hazel white, The love of my digestive mind stood firm, Aloof, as all about her, flakes did frame Her icèd features with uncertain plight And ravaged her immensely, as barbaric worms. She caught mine eye in its voracious guilt I shied it backward---daring not t'offend The languid form, whose tear-ducts did intend Great aspirations, but no legions spilt For individual fear, intimidation Shone from the frost-illuminated moon And dared them only yield to midnight's chill; Her vision held true, and no aberration Kept her from me---I, from my perch, did swoon To venture forward and my lofty goal fulfill. A thousand eyes espied our rendevous And each the thousand fearfully declined Acknowledgement---she, meek and pure, resigned Her inhibitions, and towards me threw Herself, with mighty weeps of joy and loss, Our eyes, despite the high, foreboding powers Met in a blurr'd and crystalline display; I clasp'd her fingers to scare back the frost To its unwelcome den of tedious hours And each into ourselves we sent the fiend away. Thus all about, the dizzy curse dispell’d And dissapated---there, where once were scars Fell vigorous bright snow---the weary cars New mirth displaid, new destinations held Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard Remindful of the innocent appeal That once (in times the human mind forgets) Bade my pre-adolescent mind regard The whole of Earthly essence with enamored zeal. So, too, her eyelids flutter’d in release Like a fresh-birthèd infant first arous’d From its eternal void---they beauty hous’d; Beauty, which in its purest form, is Peace--- So, as a Peacèd being would, she woke To view what once she’d never seen---and I From either greed or curiousity Caught her at once, a knowing gaze, and spoke Sweet, soothing preminitions that would dry The icèd, teary smile that serenaded me. If Sadness is the root of human Love We knew it there, and unity abound From the snow-coated garden in the ground To the traversing cumuli above; All in an instant, conflict and dismay Dissolved and fell in strands---we paid no heed From our high-vantage point, despite the show Of colours, never vibrant quite as they, And sounds supreme of all that did precede--- Our mutuality was all we wish'd to know. [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (09-17-2003 03:43 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Wow, Brian...so that's why I haven't seen you around in awhile...you've been busy...  This is absolutely gorgeous...you DO know that, right? I loved every bit of it as I read, and I'll be coming back to it later, when I'm not so tired, for another read... or several, and will likely have more to say about it then. Brian...your talent never ceases to amaze and impress. You just get better and better. Wonderfully penned, poet. When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix [This message has been edited by vlraynes (09-16-2003 05:48 AM).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thus all about, the dizzy curse dispell’d And dissapated---there, where once were scars Fell vigorous bright snow---the weary cars New mirth displaid, new destinations held Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard Remindful of the innocent appeal That once (in times the human mind forgets) Bade my pre-adolescent mind regard The whole of Earthly essence with enamored zeal. =============================== yessssssssss oh yessssss yesssss yesssss.  the moth will be back. missed you round here groovy guy  "If you hear teardrops falling like rain on the rooftops ... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Have I ever mentioned that sometimes I feel so stupid even attempting to anaylze your poetry...sheesh...youre just too bright for this moth.  Ok....lets see if I can make any sense while blinded by the light In silence, still upon its lonely task A solitary snowdrop downward stared To the bright yellow-splashèd realm of Hate Suspended in an apprehensive mask Its toes curl'd inward, through the hazy dark it fared. ============================ How can I not love the personifi here... and how the verse sets the whole tone of the poem...you set up the theme with a hauntingly lovely winter white back drop of imagery and edge of Poe darkness. Surreal and vivid. ------------ The visage of the ostentatious realm Of paradoxic paradise compell'd ================== ahh the vocab and alliterations  My vision through the window-seat, and held Mine own attention, and did overwhelm My virgin senses with encroaching aim; There, in the sleepy drift of hazel white, The love of my digestive mind stood firm, Aloof, as all about her, flakes did frame Her icèd features with uncertain plight And ravaged her immensely, as barbaric worms. ================ I loved this verse till I got to the worms.. not sure I get the intend there...how they fit with the imagery or what the analogy is. care to enlighten the dense moth? *S* --------------- She caught mine eye in its voracious guilt I shied it backward---daring not t'offend The languid form, whose tear-ducts did intend Great aspirations, but no legions spilt For individual fear, intimidation Shone from the frost-illuminated moon And dared them only yield to midnight's chill; Her vision held true, and no aberration Kept her from me---I, from my perch, did swoon To venture forward and my lofty goal fulfill. A thousand eyes espied our rendevous And each the thousand fearfully declined Acknowledgement---she, meek and pure, resigned Her inhibitions, and towards me threw Herself, with mighty weeps of joy and loss, Our eyes, despite the high, foreboding powers Met in a blurr'd and crystalline display; I clasp'd her fingers to scare back the frost To its unwelcome den of tedious hours And each into ourselves we sent the fiend away. ==================== These verses picks up the pace ... creates the intensity...like a snowstorm building, and deepens the emotional conflict and drama of the write... very cool the way you mastered that. ----------------- Thus all about, the dizzy curse dispell’d And dissapated---there, where once were scars Fell vigorous bright snow---the weary cars New mirth displaid, new destinations held Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard Remindful of the innocent appeal That once (in times the human mind forgets) Bade my pre-adolescent mind regard The whole of Earthly essence with enamored zeal. ================ I absolutely adore is verse... the imagery is stunning..the winter theme is done to poetic perfection as are the personifications... Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard how cool is that...lovely lovely!! ------------- So, too, her eyelids flutter’d in release Like a fresh-birthèd infant first arous’d From its eternal void---they beauty hous’d; Beauty, which in its purest form, is Peace--- So, as a Peacèd being would, she woke To view what once she’d never seen---and I From either greed or curiousity Caught her at once, a knowing gaze, and spoke Sweet, soothing preminitions that would dry The icèd, teary smile that serenaded me. If Sadness is the root of human Love We knew it there, and unity abound From the snow-coated garden in the ground To the traversing cumuli above; All in an instant, conflict and dismay Dissolved and fell in strands---we paid no heed From our high-vantage point, despite our view Of colours, never vibrant quite as they, And sounds supreme of all that did precede--- Our mutuality, our taste, was all we knew. ====================== Love the way you carried theme and all out to the end with such expressive vocabulary and imagery..and you give the conflict the needed closure that makes this kind of write successful. And as always, your muse of Winter graces your pen with such impressive images...and of course, the cadence and rhyme are awesome...reading you aloud is mouth candy. So good to fly in your flame groovy guy... I always learn from you...and ya know how I love that. Let me know if you have a bit of free time when classes and the lasses arent taking up all your attention. LOL I wanted to pick your poetic mind..but only if your not stressed for time with life. "If you see lonely, clear skies turning stormy ... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Brian, your words make me want to weep -- for their joy, for their beauty, for their hard-won resolutions couched in snowy language. God man, get published already. Race ya. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
For what it's worth: You have a darn awesome way of bringing tears to my eyes with each piece that you write. Your words are wonderous and they never cease to amaze me. This is irrelevent, but this piece made me see color, see shades, see angles, for everything. I'd say it was an epiphany, but that might just be me being cheesy. I've fallen in love with your closing lines: If Sadness is the root of human Love We knew it there, and unity abound From the snow-coated garden in the ground to the traveling cumuli above; All in an instant, conflict and dismay Dissolved and fell in strands---we paid no heed From out high vantage point, despite our view of colours, never vibrant quite as they, and sounds supreme of all that did precede--- our mutuality, our taste, was all we knew. Wow, again. This was chilling. I have something I would like to ask of you, but perhaps that shall wait for another day. Until your next... Alyssa |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
L@ved the whole thing and great to see you on these pages again. These stood out for me, you know being so old the mind forgets (grins), but yes there are moments like these to remind. Trees with bare limbs laid pristine sillhouettes Upon the fresh, white-lacèd boulevard Remindful of the innocent appeal That once (in times the human mind forgets) Bade my pre-adolescent mind regard The whole of Earthly essence with enamored zeal |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Brian, O weathered soul in desperate respite An angel beckons upon soundless night A ray of hope pure driven snow Untold beauty thy do bestow It is this vison of black and white a sudden decision within such night When all asleep beneath grey sky two souls abound with endless cry And in their song and innocent release I spied a change of season decease For what once was and seen as is Holds now a passing a pilgrimage beyond this world endlessly bound where grey is replaced by sight and sound Alas, one soul with spying eye fell upon an angel's cry Brian . . . this is infinite . . . I adore this and the both of you *smiling* Just absolutely surreal xxoo [This message has been edited by littlewing (09-17-2003 01:45 PM).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Beautiful, Brian...and not a word too long. ~Carly "How inimitably graceful children are in general before they learn to dance!" |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
With greatest sincerity, I woulds't agree we are in the grayest mist of a soul born prodigy... with all due respect...  and the young man I once knew? Kudos... |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
A thousand eyes espied our rendevous And each the thousand fearfully declined I wouldn't try to analize this for fear of looking stupidthough... I'm not usualy smart enough. you have such a great style and perfect meter. This had some wonderfull images and lol at JM- I liked the worms verse And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!" |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
No mere words can begin to describe the beauty of what this piece holds... Susan |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Sorry, must click. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
“Humiliation hath no sister trait: In silence, still upon its lonely task A solitary snowdrop downward stared” “Our eyes, despite the high, foreboding powers Met in a blurr'd and crystalline display; I clasp'd her fingers to scare back the frost To its unwelcome den of tedious hours And each into ourselves we sent the fiend away.” “So, too, her eyelids flutter’d in release Like a fresh-birthèd infant first arous’d From its eternal void---they beauty hous’d; Beauty, which in its purest form, is Peace---“ “If Sadness is the root of human Love We knew it there, and unity abound From the snow-coated garden in the ground” ~*~ Brian … my goodness … this pretty much took my breath away. Beautifully written. This poem flowed with an energy unlike anything I’ve read of late. The phrasing is marvelous and visual. This is a wonderfully descriptive piece, and for this my friend, you get a standing ovation. Well done indeed! Best wishes, /Kit |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You achieve things with language that would normally require a tongue. (That IS a compliment, Brian. *winks*) I don't have to tell you your meter is perfect. And you KNEW I'd love the allusions to Blake, and there are others that are familiar to me, that have been bugging me, but I just can't place them... You took the nature metaphors and avoided a trite or cliche'd use of them--quite an achievement that. As always you maintain a formal style that is never stilted, but musical, and quite hypnotic when read aloud. You've got the "stuff" lovie, that's for sure. I'm still convinced you are a time traveller. This one is like a thanksgiving feast my friend. Impossible to take it all in at once, but I promise you, I'm keeping this--to nibble at time and time again. And YES, expect a grilling from me sometime soon. (I'm still on couch duty alas, but I'll be back soon.) You are the brilliant one my friend. |
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