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Learning the scales
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Learning the scales |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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I need a song, she said. Something to cover my skin. Something to fall with the rain. Something to walk down the road. Something to tremble the edges. Something to recall his eyes. Something to burn up in ribbons. Have you watched a ribbon burn? A festive snake curling in, boneless, smoldering and gray, the color of the tide? Smoking on the summer walk, the sound you stepped from board to board, the sand between the seams of wood, the sun sparking the water. The nature of the waves, you'd asked, the push and pull, the back and forth? Formation and disintegration. Always piling up, he'd said. No, she said. No, no, no. That's not the song I need. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
I often tell you I think your words are brilliant but rarely if ever explain why. Full of rich imagery you're words always elicit a storyboard/film in my head. Not hollywood film, good god no, but european film. Subtlety and substance. In this for example: Smoking on the summer walk, the sound you stepped from board to board, the sand between the seams of wood, the sun sparking the water. I picture plainly beautiful actress(Juliette Binoche?) alone, soft wind through her hair, the sound of the surf quietly in the background, no soundtrack, and the smoke spiralling up into the air perhaps best visible in the contrast of black and white whereas a lesser poet/writer/moviemaker would have had the flavour of the month female lead walking across a crowded walkway rife with product placements, a psuedopunk song(sum41) blaring as a man with a ghetto blaster walks by fading into the distance... well you get the picture grins |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks for the compliment, Ae.  I'm glad I'm not a flavor of the month, but someone who can REALLY do damage, over extended periods of time.  |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Thats the spirit lol warp those fragile little minds! grins |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Something to cover my skin..that line rocks. ha..I liked the ending insanity is not a crime |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
I liked all of it, but these lines in particular gave me an image... "Have you watched a ribbon burn? A festive snake curling in, boneless, smoldering and gray, the color of the tide?" I don't know why, but that just hits me with "woah, cool".. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks. I've been told I have a way. |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
rushing ahead.... and her chagrin too powerful too powerful whoa damn and even a candle on this cake--- a longtime-comin BAT! yessuh! the Squirrel LIVES and blazing........ |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Something to tremble the edges. Something to recall his eyes. Something to burn up in ribbons. Well Mikey . . . have you played her her song? *grin* subtext . . . xxoo |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Wow. You are wonderful and your poem is amazing. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thank you. See what I'll be up to on Saturday: www.bubastis.com/funeral |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I'm going to have to try that sometime, burning a ribbon... have you seen it yourself? You wrote it nicely, it makes me curious where you would have come up with something like that. The ending is well-done... a bit surprising but you've done a good job keeping the unity of the poem, working the beginning in with the ending, and adding a neat twist. Sometimes it's difficult to get through to a person, to show them what they want to see. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that other people don't particularly share our perceptions and experiences, and they can't fully appreciate what we can... nor will they ask for it. This is a good poem for me to read after the first lecture of the university year. A course in Existentialism, the prof talking about subjectivity and its beauty. Reading this poem really ties in with that whole thing, all of the images you describe in your "song," and the fact that they aren't what the other person was asking for. Nice writing, Mikey. It's good to read you again after being AWOL for so long. Thanks for keeping Sanctuary alive. Oh, and I love your new pic.  Parasite Faith is a fine invention |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I've had both happy and sad memories near the Santa Monica pier, but luckily, the happy ones outweigh the sad ones. This poem marks the edge. And yes, I have seen a ribbon burn. At a playground when I was a kid. Somebody was playing with lighters -- it may even have been me, for all I remember -- and we burned a ribbon in the sand near the swingsets. There was this sort of awe is watching the ribbon break up into orange fibers, those graying and smoking and curling. I have interesting memories. Thanks for reading, LP. Glad to have you back here. |
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