Inside the Tropic of Capricorn (Free Verse Duet with JM)

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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-05-27 04:07 PM

Tide swept shorelines
still bear faint traces
of sunsets and fires
that burned until dawn
while we
like jelly fish
left our tentacles of time
dangling on currents
that came from warmer places
deep in the equator of us

As the moon seduced the night with
the stars, white capped wave crests
curl in sea foamed swirl to the sand
caressing with consonants constancy
To wash away our footprints, but not the
contentment found in the sharing of tides
or the memories mapped upon our horizons.

Our times were tropical
and you my sun.

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (05-27-2003 04:28 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-05-27 04:59 PM

I want more...

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2003-05-28 12:05 PM

I found this very tranquil. *sigh* Very nice work.

Marilyn.

snowpants
Member Elite

since 2000-09-16

Posts 2061
KS

3 posted 2003-05-28 03:03 AM

"Tide swept shorelines
still bear faint traces
of sunsets and fires
that burned until dawn"

"As the moon seduced the night with
the stars, white capped wave crests
curl in sea foamed swirl to the sand"

yeah, I agree with Sunshine...more verses!! more verses!!

Excellent job, guys...

sp

just a hang-up call and the quiet breathing of our persian we call cajun on a wednesday...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

4 posted 2003-05-28 07:43 AM

Kari ... ya sound like me now

LOL Thank you poetess of the sun.

Marilyn ... yes..the ocean does that to us doesnt it

thank you for coming by and reading.

Kris... ( moth looking at the post time) Dont you sleep anymore...cept when you come to my house heh

thank ya girlie, knew ya would like this one.

Thanks to the Capt for making me moody muse get off her arse...
I know I need to work on writing spontaneously, succinctly and more often...still in rereading, I see a lot of things I would change about my part of this one... the moth just needs to tweak

Oh...and Ron, the dense moth did not miss the fact that you sent a verse bout the ocean to move me muse *L* thank you groovy poet duet dude.

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

5 posted 2003-05-28 08:43 AM

Yep, it's a poem!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2003-05-28 02:15 PM

Hey...I was looking for the rest of it too.

That was mean!

It's kinda like foreplay. JUST foreplay.

tapping my toe

c'mon you two, you both know how I get!

I mean, it's GREAT FOREPLAY but yer not just gonna leave me like this?

.

.

.

are ya?

HEY!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

7 posted 2003-05-28 09:06 PM

Dunc....yep..youre a porch puppy BRAT

KA...I wanted it to go on too...but me thinks Ron's lesson of the day for the moth was "less is more"

and how can ya not love those closing lines
he "sighed" it off with ...

ya know how those pretty blue flames are..
and besides..hes been the dueting King,
so many moths..so little time

Darkness cannot drive out darkness ... only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate ... only love can do that.
MLK

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

8 posted 2003-05-29 08:08 AM

(chuckling) ..You know, it is better to leave people wanting more than to have them thinking will this never end...

Thanks for humoring me JM... and as for Dunc..lol.. I'm glad he recognized what a poem is. It's been so long since he wrote one I wasn't sure he still knew.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

9 posted 2003-05-29 09:52 AM

Beautiful! A perfect blending of your talents.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

10 posted 2003-05-29 02:12 PM

BRAVO!!!
(of course I'm keeping this one)
IWIHWT

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

11 posted 2003-06-01 01:15 PM

Well well! I almost wondered which part JM did, then I noticed myself suddenly reading out loud. She tried to do free verse, Ron, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I saw a few hidden rhymes, a few tricks of sound... tsk tsk, bad girl...

I love the jellyfish image... it's very unusual, but really creates the impression of being insignificant, small compared to your surroundings. Guess you wanted to give her a theme she was familiar with, right? Flawless setup, Ron... you're good at this collaboration stuff.

quote:
white capped wave crests
curl in sea foamed swirl to the sand
caressing with consonants constancy

That's my girl!

Lovely work, you two. You can do something longer, ya know... nothing holding you back.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

12 posted 2003-06-02 07:44 AM

Hey Bri..that ole Capt is trickier than you know...that last duet we did..he had me take out some of the alliterations..this one?
he put one in.

that verse you highlighted--he turned my constancy into the allit.
Ya got watch him every second.

And yes..he knew how to get me muse to dance...just conjure up the ocean and Im a happy moth. Thanks Bri youre the best.

Im still imagining your voice ...
can see the sparkle in your eyes.
I cant explain your power over me
Its understated understood & beautiful.
cj

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

13 posted 2003-06-02 12:45 PM

Wonderful poem from you poet masters...just the right size.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

14 posted 2003-06-02 08:11 PM

Oh My God- that was beautiful . . .
but yes - a tease indeed . . .

what happened?

truly amazing writing guys -
( I was ready to sit down to an epic and man you got me good on this one - was like the ending of one of the best movies you ever saw where you go . . . WHAT!!!????

Its over . . . .
xxoo

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

15 posted 2003-06-03 11:41 AM

In truth I am not smart enough to be tricky mothy one... lol

thank you all for the replies and comments. JM just ran with the opening and yes I cut it short as an excersize in restraint as well to show that saying less is sometimes more effective than saying it all.... or trying to..

Enjoyed the write JM..thank you for the kindness and patience you showed me...

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

16 posted 2006-10-04 12:53 PM

Simple, elegant, beautiful.....and I hope some day we'll see these two master poets here, doing it again. Wouldn't that be nice?

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

17 posted 2007-02-05 10:02 PM

Most assuredly, it would be welcome, indeed.

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