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oklahoma city (duet with ringo)
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oklahoma city (duet with ringo) |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I feel the sweat paste my matted hair to my eyes as the sweat pours down my face through the noise-- I hear you scream my name. (Music from your lips) You are so young, so beautiful... In a crowd you are all I see. I cannot ignore you... Boom-bass-boom baby Long fingers are the pounding rain. Rhythm rounds splay the sound against the grain inside my chest. Trying to break the glass of me freedom bounding Whisper--free. (boom-bass-boom) Do I tell you-- is it best left alone? Until the lights are gone? and we’re alone making the music of two? (will we ever meet at all) Or is this dance, best in the mind, remembered--in the future as a chance missed in the past? Tell me, your heart-- am I who you need? The lights are up. I dance entranced of the trashed malingerings... they're gone-- the napkins and the ribbon's song float confetti thoughts of mind I shuffle in the lingerings and giggle at the throng. Music still rings in my ears as I wander amongst the crowds. Backstage? The women all want me, their men, past their years, just want to be, as I wander on... Another show. Another town. Road-road weary and forlorn I burn into my brain The eyes of a love cost of never yet to be...I leave-- she dances in the trash… [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (05-27-2003 06:16 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
wow you two, that was AWESOME! I like the way you made it a conversation between two...instead of just one perspective...and the last line was great!!! Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Nice job... you two worked well together... got another one planned? |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Do I tell you-- is it best left alone? Until the lights are gone? and we’re alone making the music of two? (will we ever meet at all) Or is this dance, best in the mind, remembered--in the future as a chance missed in the past? Tell me, your heart-- am I who you need? The lights are up. I dance entranced of the trashed malingerings... they're gone-- the napkins and the ribbon's song float confetti thoughts of mind I shuffle in the lingerings and giggle at the throng. ======================================= very cool imagery and theme here you two... I love the scene and mood you've created. I think youre the first of the official duet club list to post. We are off to a great start.  Well done duet guys.  Darkness cannot drive out darkness ... only light can do that. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Ohhh I loved the imagery in this. Well done you two. Marilyn. |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
"You are so young, so beautiful... In a crowd you are all I see. I cannot ignore you..." "Do I tell you-- is it best left alone? Until the lights are gone? and we’re alone making the music of two?" I love the whole feel of the poem...excellent verses...you two are excellent together!! sp  just a hang-up call and the quiet breathing of our persian we call cajun on a wednesday... |
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Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
Thank you all, and a very MAJOR thank you to my partner for a huge lesson in writing, and for making this a very pleasurable experience. Day after day I'm more confused, |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
BRAVO! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
And thanks to all...and Ringo is being WAY generous. It was fun to swap the road stories, R, and this poem was a natural for our duet. I thank everyone for their kindness, and Ringo for his patience. Hugs, Ringo (and  to Kristie Sue! )I take the queen's share, I got to have some fun, write a poem and make TWO new friends! Hugs to them with thanks to the forum. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Very cool!!! These duets sure bring out the BEST in everyone.  |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
This is a bloody fantastic piece of writing. You two should be very proud of what you've accomplished here and I mean that with upmost sincerity. It's hard sometimes for two people to come together and write a piece that compliments both of their writing styles but the two of you have managed to do this with, what it appears to be, utter ease. You’ve got beautiful sentence construction with vivid imagery all the way through. The last line really got me, as I prefer solitary finishing lines to full body stanzas. This one line has said so much yet left a lot open. Be very happy with this. I love it and it's definitely heading into the library. ~AF~ I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Oh the imagery is amazing, absolutely love this, well done both of you! Maree |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
serenity and Ringo...A treat to read from beginning to end!! |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Hey you two - this is truly a great piece - was waiting for this one to come out and taking two diff styles and meshing them - quite amazing I must say. felt sad though - made me get the feel for hearing those speakers in your ears - you know? the ringing? then imagining their eyes meeting - never to meet at all . . . nice job guys xxoo |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Nice work you guys! You even got a compliment from EJ, which isn't easy, haha... I liked the music, honestly, even though that was probably just in my head... I expected just what I got from you guys... well done.  Parasite Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Awesome is right! Duets always have dynamic levels that poems by a single writer don't, but Golly-gee-whillikers! ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I liked this so much that I want to do a duet with you Miss Serenity, if you please. <3 |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Alyssa? I would love to give it a shot. My writing lately though, seems to be the master of me, rather than the other way around, but if we hit on something that my muse finds amusing, I say we give it a go. I notice you write of New Orleans with particular accuracy and sensitivity. If you are in town, I know this little place, they are still not open for business, but they are valiantly serving up free coffee (best in town too) and offer a meeting room at no cost, as well as free internet access. The owners of the Fair Grinds are old friends of mine and lovely, generous people. Even in the ruins, the place has great atmosphere and is conducive to muses. so.....? just in case yer interested. Drop me a line, either way, k?  I'd be honored to learn from you via duet. |
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