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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Poetic Haven |
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Fish |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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It all began a summertime of summer after dark When dim, the land was cleansed by hands divine, and ev'ry spark Was cut apart, and ev'ry shine was smolder'd out of form The clouds a crackl'ing cackle hail'd in a relentless storm The landscape gripp'd by violence was split, a gaping fault Brought wisdom and technology eternally to halt. But there were three, that time with me, who dwelt within my dwelling There were the three, and there was me--our pain and panic swelling Regarding what was lost in time, our paradise of steel Snapp'd quakingly and swallow'd by what colours we'd conceal Achiev'ments known by time were, piece by piece, demolished too There were the three, and there was me--t'was ev'rything I knew. Sometimes, we would be overcome with fear of future slaughter And we would come here, to these cliffs above the spinning water In spite of what our lives would be, we'd close our eyes and leap To plunge through air, where nothing of humanity we'd keep Our arms were sprawl'd, the sky about was gnashing at our skin Our words could not be heard, so with our breath, we held them in. And for those moments that we were suspended way on high All of the things we'd once said beautiful, were rushing by Our values, loves and joys, and fears and hatred, smeared away Oblivion held brilliantly our souls in vain display We fought not back, accepting that for now he held us captured The sky as blurr'd as anything as, downward, we were raptured. Soon, as our toes pierc'd heavily into the waves so thrashing We felt in all directions beings, fluidly, went dashing And sometimes, we would wake our eyes to spot them in their motion Our envy tilted t'wards them, in their ignorant commotion The fortunes of untainted joy who, 'round us, ever swirl'd No dreams or curiousity to end their silver world. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"And for those moments that we were suspended way on high All of the things we'd once said beautiful, were rushing by Our values, loves and joys, and fears and hatred, smeared away Oblivion held brilliantly our souls in vain display" I really do like this piece, Brian, even if it took awhile to 'get it'. Such complex thought weaved into beautiful verse is a wonderful, lofty combination. I can't wait to see what everyone else thinks of it  Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
LP...Sometimes such beautiful word presentation gets in the way of actual appreciation, and the word make-up becomes more interesting than the feeling of the poem. This poem took me into that place in time, free and alive, almost like being there. That makes this wonderful for me, the reader. Thank you! Great work! |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Whoa! a fascinating combination of the post apocalyptic and the eternal perdition of hell. Your almost suicidal portrayal of resignation in life is masterfully drawn. I also really liked your giant faultline between wisdom and technology. Finally, the conclusion of this poem seems to display a sense of the speaker's intellectual superiority over the masses. Is this something you intended? "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I'm not in the mood to give you an interpitation, or anything of the sort, so, Brian, all I care to say is a damn good job. To me, this is poetry at it's best. No kissing up, or any bs, just a compliment, poet to poet.  ~Titus  "On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died." |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Why you haven't submitted this for the book is beyond me ... though I guess too many poems submitted would whittle down the votes exponentially. Still ... an amazing piece that reminds me of the breathtaking moments in AI before the film turns to junk. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Why exactly haven't you submitted it? ~Titus "On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died." |
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