Open Poetry #18 |
I Named My Hemorrhoid After You |
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I’m writing now to tell you that I named my hemorrhoid after you It’s a symbol of what you are And it’s the least that I could do You never let me sit in peace You always seemed in need Of something to drink or Something to eat or read I’d smile as I brought it to you Did you thank me? No not at all I was merely the servant then Not Cinderella at her ball You laughed when I stumbled Never holding out your hand Never offering to steady me When I haltingly tried to stand I cried because I wasn’t worthy If I was you’d be nicer I thought How was I to know that you Were just the way you were taught Your mother and your father Formed the meanness in your heart But you, hemorrhoid of mine Put a finish to their start The last time you made me cry I looked up from humiliation tears And wondered why I’d given you So many of my best years No longer did I need you to be The gauge of my existence I discovered that I could only Tolerate you from a distance And so I left that day, smiling No twinge in heart or mind No regret at the pain I caused To the pain in my behind. |
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© Copyright 2002 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
PDV, this is excellent...and I don't know whether to laugh or cry over it...so I guess I'll do both. copyright2002 Lyra Nesius |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
ROTFLMAO!!! TOO FUNNY, LADY!! I NEEDED THIS LAUGH TONIGHT! For all who watch.Dare you say hello? Come in and ask the questions that are on your mind, but spare me your judgement until you truly sipped of me. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
PDV, And I got heckled for writing about menopause! Too dang funny...sorry about the pain in your * |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Lots of good lines in this. Either way, it's a pain all right! You delivered the message quite cleverly. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(giggles in delight) ROTF!!!! Oh my gosh, your words always make me smile and giggle, this is sooooooo funny, I hope now the pain has subsided! (smiles) We all love you so much, sweet friend, you are a delight to us all! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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quietwaters Junior Member
since 2002-02-04
Posts 30delray beach, florida |
wryly affectionate touch...reminds me i should do the same thing when someone i love throws me a devilish curve a hemorrhoid? weeeeeee haha |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
I think perhaps the best title I've ever seen! |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
From one end to the other...I love this! |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
OMG! LMAO, LMAO, this is too funny! What a write! Sauni @~~~>~~ |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Thank you for your kind replies! This was actually inspired by a comment I made to serenity. I was complaining that someone was such a pain I was going to name a hemmorrhoid after them. So I thought a fictional version would be fun to write. It was! I hope no one is offended by it! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I can not believe you did this. I turn my back on you for just a FEW minutes, and see what happens? (and everybody thinks I'M the bad girl, HAH!) ROFLMAO... |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Poet, this is simply devine,,,Oh what a good belly laugh you gave me and it was much needed here..such creativity..LOL floria Floria |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
PDV, 'tis the best little fiction that I've read in years. This one is really great! -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
cute one Ms. Devine..i think we all have these hemorrhoids haa..still laughing at madames graphic ha... ~Victoria~ "Silence is a friend who |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Poet DeVine, You have just made the history books. "I Named My Hemorrhoid After You" If nothing else this will make you famous. You will always be one of my favourites. |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
This was an interesting read. Good metaphor. sky |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
PDV, this is too funny! ROTFL! *Nancy wipes mascara from cheeks* I love it! ~Hugs, Nancy~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
oh, this would be great to send to someone who is truly a pain in the behind.... Like this...excellent.. |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Very nicely written, deVine One! I like the theme and it caused a small vindictive smile at the end. Thank you, hon, for letting me read this one. |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Bravo!! loved this one! ~Tier |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh Sharon ... I know I'm supposed to be working right now, but how on earth could I resist this title, ROFL! This was a terrific piece, and even though I'm laughing through the comparisons you've drawn, there's a brilliant weave of sadness and depth throughout. Loved this immensely my friend! Best wishes, /Kit |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This would be hilarious... if it wasn't so dang sad. *S* I love the thought that led to this beauty... so much I may borrow it. LOL Too bad there isn't an effective surgery. *G* Great work, PDV... I greatly enjoyed. |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
heheh what a marooon |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
*grins* This made my day! Thanks for the laugh! Sleep: The final frontier |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'm so glad you all liked it..wasn't sure about posting it. |
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rebekah33 Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 140MD/NJ |
This is GREAT!!!! What a wonderful way to turn your anger elsewhere. -R. "So stop and love and dance and live and laugh until you cry" Edwin McCain |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
PDV, this is serious stuff with some very clever lines. I loved it Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
LOL... While you're UP... This IS quite hilarious - Among your best, PdV |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
You tell 'em, PDV! Only one problem I see, hemorrhoids never go away! Cor |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
'And so I left that day, smiling No twinge in heart or mind No regret at the pain I caused To the pain in my behind.' Oh, such a classic write...excellently put, PdV! (Yeah, I've got a couple of spare names for hemmorhoids, too) sp And though my heart feels all alone without you |
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RosePetal
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida |
hehhehe funny Sometimes we all get to be a pain in the butt to someone! |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
I guess you got right to the seat of the matter with the last word Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Your wit grows sharper with use my friend... funny and well written. Thanks for the smile. Now-- where did i put that doughnut cushion???? There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Well that's a tribute that speaks for itself. Kinda gets you right in the ass doesn't it? Try not to sit on anything cold because your condition could get worse...God forbid! I had to smile in places while reading this...I love the irony...good work! |
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Ariana Senior Member
since 2000-10-08
Posts 571Orlando, Florida |
Dear Miss Poet Devine: You are the devine one - absolutely. You are #1 with this one and there are alot of women out there who can feel every word of this from Top to Bottom!!!! Great work - and your words are ever so true. [This message has been edited by Ariana (02-12-2002 05:51 PM).] |
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Dee Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330Queensland, Australia |
Sharon, you ARE a classic. This was a great laugh, I can relate to it so well. Dee I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life. a brand |
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walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
Funny, but painful too, great expression. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Thank you for the laughs - a great addition to this forum Liz |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Hmmm, t'was it me as the pain? Good and comical, thanks for the needed laugh Sharon. Happy V day! Sorry I haven't been around. |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
It just occurred to me, PDV.....You might want to buy this guy some Preparation H for dinner. I'm still laughing at this one! copyright2002 Lyra Nesius |
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