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Open Poetry #18
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Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley

0 posted 2002-02-09 12:30 PM





I’m writing now to tell you that
I named my hemorrhoid after you
It’s a symbol of what you are
And it’s the least that I could do

You never let me sit in peace
You always seemed in need
Of something to drink or
Something to eat or read

I’d smile as I brought it to you
Did you thank me? No not at all
I was merely the servant then
Not Cinderella at her ball

You laughed when I stumbled
Never holding out your hand
Never offering to steady me
When I haltingly tried to stand

I cried because I wasn’t worthy
If I was you’d be nicer I thought
How was I to know that you
Were just the way you were taught

Your mother and your father
Formed the meanness in your heart
But you, hemorrhoid of mine
Put a finish to their start

The last time you made me cry
I looked up from humiliation tears
And wondered why I’d given you
So many of my best years

No longer did I need you to be
The gauge of my existence
I discovered that I could only
Tolerate you from a distance

And so I left that day, smiling
No twinge in heart or mind
No regret at the pain I caused
To the pain in my behind.

© Copyright 2002 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
1 posted 2002-02-09 12:35 PM


PDV, this is excellent...and I don't know whether to laugh or cry over it...so I guess I'll do both.

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Temptress
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since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
2 posted 2002-02-09 12:47 PM


ROTFLMAO!!!
TOO FUNNY, LADY!! I NEEDED THIS LAUGH TONIGHT!

For all who watch.Dare you say hello? Come in and ask the questions that are on your mind, but spare me your judgement until you truly sipped of me.

Larry C
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since 2001-09-10
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United States
3 posted 2002-02-09 12:51 PM


PDV,
And I got heckled for writing about menopause! Too dang funny...sorry about the pain in your *

BluesSerenade
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since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
4 posted 2002-02-09 12:57 PM


Lots of good lines in this.

Either way, it's a pain all right!

You delivered the message quite cleverly.

Mistletoe Angel
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5 posted 2002-02-09 12:59 PM




(giggles in delight) ROTF!!!! Oh my gosh, your words always make me smile and giggle, this is sooooooo funny, I hope now the pain has subsided! (smiles) We all love you so much, sweet friend, you are a delight to us all! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

quietwaters
Junior Member
since 2002-02-04
Posts 30
delray beach, florida
6 posted 2002-02-09 02:04 AM



wryly affectionate touch...reminds me i should do the same thing when someone i love throws me a devilish curve

a hemorrhoid?  weeeeeee  haha

EagleOne
Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...
7 posted 2002-02-09 02:19 AM


I think perhaps the best title I've ever seen!
Duncan
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since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

8 posted 2002-02-09 02:32 AM


From one end to the other...I love this!
Saunni
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777
West Virginia
9 posted 2002-02-09 02:35 AM


OMG! LMAO, LMAO, this is too funny! What a write!

Sauni @~~~>~~

The Sun Shines
Not On Us, But In Us
The River Flows Not Past,
But Through Us

Poet deVine
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Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
10 posted 2002-02-09 07:40 AM


Thank you for your kind replies! This was actually inspired by a comment I made to serenity. I was complaining that someone was such a pain I was going to name a hemmorrhoid after them. So I thought a fictional version would be fun to write. It was! I hope no one is offended by it!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

11 posted 2002-02-09 07:53 AM


I can not believe you did this.

I turn my back on you for just a FEW minutes, and see what happens? (and everybody thinks I'M the bad girl, HAH!)

ROFLMAO...

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

12 posted 2002-02-09 09:32 AM


Poet, this is simply devine,,,Oh what a good belly laugh you gave me and it was much needed here..such creativity..LOL   floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Silver Streak
Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625
FL, USA
13 posted 2002-02-09 09:37 AM


PDV, 'tis the best little fiction that I've read in years. This one is really great!
-newell

Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com

Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher

Victoria
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since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869

14 posted 2002-02-09 10:02 AM


cute one Ms. Devine..i think we all have these hemorrhoids haa..still laughing at madames graphic ha...

                 ~Victoria~

"Silence is a friend who
will never betray."
— Confucius


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
15 posted 2002-02-09 10:14 AM


Poet DeVine,
You have just made the history books.
"I Named My Hemorrhoid After You"
If nothing else this will make you famous.
You will always be one of my favourites.

skyshine
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since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
16 posted 2002-02-09 11:03 AM


This was an interesting read. Good metaphor.

sky

Enchantress
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
17 posted 2002-02-09 11:40 AM


PDV, this is too funny! ROTFL!
*Nancy wipes mascara from cheeks*
I love it!
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
  So you won't ever forget me~

Magnus
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since 2001-10-10
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South Carolina, USA
18 posted 2002-02-09 11:46 AM


oh, this would be great to send to someone
who is truly a pain in the behind....

Like this...excellent..

Alicat
Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas
19 posted 2002-02-09 12:50 PM


Very nicely written, deVine One! I like the theme and it caused a small vindictive smile at the end. Thank you, hon, for letting me read this one.
Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
20 posted 2002-02-09 12:56 PM


Bravo!!

loved this one!

~Tier

Kit McCallum
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since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
21 posted 2002-02-09 01:11 PM


Oh Sharon ... I know I'm supposed to be working right now, but how on earth could I resist this title, ROFL!

This was a terrific piece, and even though I'm laughing through the comparisons you've drawn, there's a brilliant weave of sadness and depth throughout. Loved this immensely my friend!

Best wishes,
/Kit

suthern
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since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
22 posted 2002-02-09 05:44 PM


This would be hilarious... if it wasn't so dang sad. *S*

I love the thought that led to this beauty... so much I may borrow it. LOL Too bad there isn't an effective surgery. *G*

Great work, PDV... I greatly enjoyed.

wayoutwalt
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since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
23 posted 2002-02-09 10:37 PM


heheh what a marooon
Skyfire
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Riding
24 posted 2002-02-09 10:46 PM


*grins* This made my day! Thanks for the laugh!

Sleep: The final frontier

Poet deVine
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Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
25 posted 2002-02-09 10:58 PM


I'm so glad you all liked it..wasn't sure about posting it.
rebekah33
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since 2001-12-13
Posts 140
MD/NJ
26 posted 2002-02-10 01:13 AM


This is GREAT!!!!  What a wonderful way to turn your anger elsewhere.
-R.

"So stop and love and dance and live and laugh until you cry" Edwin McCain

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
27 posted 2002-02-10 06:22 AM


PDV,
this is serious stuff with some very clever lines. I loved it
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



Nan
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since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
28 posted 2002-02-10 11:52 AM


LOL... While you're UP...
This IS quite hilarious - Among your best, PdV

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
29 posted 2002-02-10 01:05 PM


You tell 'em, PDV!

Only one problem I see,
hemorrhoids never go away!

Cor


snowpants
Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061
KS
30 posted 2002-02-10 03:15 PM


'And so I left that day, smiling
No twinge in heart or mind
No regret at the pain I caused
To the pain in my behind.'

Oh, such a classic write...excellently put, PdV!  (Yeah, I've got a couple of spare names for hemmorhoids, too)

sp     

And though my heart feels all alone without you
I still hear you sing to me
I still hear your voice on the sea...

RosePetal
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South Florida
31 posted 2002-02-10 04:44 PM


hehhehe funny Sometimes we all get to be a pain in the butt to someone!
Interloper
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Deep in the heart
32 posted 2002-02-11 01:15 PM


I guess you got right to the seat of the matter with the last word

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
33 posted 2002-02-11 03:59 PM


Your wit grows sharper with use my friend...
funny and well written.
Thanks for the smile.

Now-- where did i put that doughnut cushion????

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
34 posted 2002-02-11 04:06 PM


Well that's a tribute that speaks for itself.
Kinda gets you right in the ass doesn't it?
Try not to sit on anything cold because your condition could get worse...God forbid!

I had to smile in places while reading this...I love the irony...good work!

Ariana
Senior Member
since 2000-10-08
Posts 571
Orlando, Florida
35 posted 2002-02-12 05:49 PM


Dear Miss Poet Devine:  You are the devine one - absolutely.  You are #1 with this one and there are alot of women out there who can feel every word of this from Top to Bottom!!!!   Great work - and your words are ever so true.

[This message has been edited by Ariana (02-12-2002 05:51 PM).]

Dee
Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330
Queensland, Australia
36 posted 2002-02-13 06:40 AM


Sharon, you ARE a classic. This was a great laugh, I can relate to it so well.

Dee

I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life.     a brand

walker
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since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240
Florida
37 posted 2002-02-13 07:29 AM


Funny, but painful too, great expression.
Elizabeth Santos
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since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
38 posted 2002-02-13 09:04 AM


Thank you for the laughs - a great addition to this forum
Liz

WhtDove
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since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
39 posted 2002-02-14 07:59 PM


Hmmm, t'was it me as the pain?

Good and comical, thanks for the needed laugh Sharon.

Happy V day! Sorry I haven't been around.

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
40 posted 2002-02-14 08:52 PM



It just occurred to me, PDV.....You might want to buy this guy some Preparation H for dinner.
I'm still laughing at this one!

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

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