Open Poetry #18 |
![]() ![]() |
Daydreams |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859![]() |
Hmmm Magnus and Startimes romance poems are getting to me. Daydreams As I walk along the sandy shores, My thoughts are all of you. Of the times we spent together, And the things we used to do. Then I hear a susurration, As the waves slowly move on the shore. And I wish that once again, Things could be as they were before. The soft murmuring sounds I hear, They seem like sweet words so clear, As if you are saying "I love you" With your cheek pressed against my ear. Then the cold water catches my legs, And I feel the iciness of the waves. I awake from my daydream and realize, That I've just been walking in a daze. If this daydream could come true, It would be my fondest desire. That forever you and I could be one, And our love again be on fire. Floria [This message has been edited by strbbux (01-20-2002 10:03 AM).] |
||
© Copyright 2002 Floria Kelderhouse - All Rights Reserved | |||
Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Floria - this flows just perfectly, and your words and rhyme are excellent. Daydreams, aren't they something? BC |
||
Mistletoe Angel![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
![]() ![]() ![]() (smiles) Oooooohhh....I know this feeling all so well, sweet friend, I dream of falling into my dream girls arms, and I always daydream of her like this! (kiss on cheek) This is sooooooo beautiful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Floria, thank you for sharing! ![]() ![]() May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
||
Magnus![]() ![]()
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Floria...you are just toooo modest...I think this is a superb poem of romance and the yearning feeling that goes with it...Very beautifully written... |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you Bill, very much for your kind comments.trying to keep up with all you guys. floria |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank You Noah, hoping your dreams come true, floria |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you very much Magnus, your words inspire me to write more. floria |
||
VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Yes, very romantic! And to include the seashore is a great plus in my eyes as the sea is so romantic, vibrant, exhilarating! A critique I might make would be the use of And..at the beginning of a line when it really isn't needed. It felt better to my mind's ear to omit it. What do you think? That's the important part. Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
||
Nightshade![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
floria - Maybe daydreams do come true. So, never stop believing, or dreaming. Loved this one. Chris Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Well,VAS I think you are 100% right and the funny thing is that in my master copy I have already corrected it.Sometimes it takes two or three reads to catch it and sometimes I don't. I love when poets critique me like that, because sometimes I miss it. And that is the only way to learn. Please always feel free to comment. And thanks so much.hmmm, think i will go change it here now. as I did forget that I could do that LOL. thanks VAS. floria [This message has been edited by strbbux (01-19-2002 02:49 PM).] |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you so much Nightshade, yes I do think they do come true sometimes. floria |
||
Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Beautiful, floria! -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you Newell. floria |
||
Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Indeed they are and what lovely daydreams....I really like this one. Kathleen--(Kay) |
||
Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* oh yes, this poem suits me perfectly....BRAVO!!! You have captured how I feel and put it into a magical poem. I love it. **big big hugs** ![]() ![]() ![]() Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
||
ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
Pleasant daydreams are wonderful escapes, and this is so picturesque.This piece flows well and is well rhymed too ![]() |
||
Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
This beautiful, dreamy, romantic poem, flows like a calm ocean wave. I enjoyed it very much. ![]() copyright2002 Lyra Nesius |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you Irish Rose, floria |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Startime, why did I know you would like this. Well it is my first ever romance poem.You guys have got a thing starting here. LOL floria |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you ecrivan, I appreciate your kind comments. floria |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Madame Chipmunk,Thank you very much for your comments and the lovely seahorse, so colorful. floria |
||
Victoria![]()
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
Daydreams are as nice as nightdreams..enjoyed Floria..as long as we dont daydream while we are driving ha.. ![]() ~Victoria~ You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. |
||
GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Floria - That darn ocean, destroyer of daydreams.lol I think I am being overly harsh towards the ocean. ![]() Dave |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Thank you victoria, glad you have them too. floria |
||
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Dave, as a poet, you must know how nice it is to hear those words. I am bowing, thank you very much. floria |
||
![]() ![]() |
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |