Jungle Lessons - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2002-01-16 08:14 AM

Hollow, emptiness in growl--
wanting, urgent on the prowl
demons echoing from jowl,

like a jealous woman spurned.

Temples pound in jungle drums
my last nerve has come undone
every thought is conundrum--

hands in bleed from plead...rope burn.

Tar-pit bubbling underneath
Quicksand begging to chew feet
and this be but a day I greet--

I still have night for eye's discern.

Not much time to make a bed.
Sunset is foreshadow'd dread.
I gather moss to cushion head

in memory of velvet spurned.

Darkness is a mystery.
In shadows of my history
bound to comfort's safety tree--

the last thing that I learned.

So in the dark, I cling to oak.
Leaf of tree, my only cloak.
Mantras said that loved ones spoke--

the last words that I heard.

Eyes in clench of quench of night;
my hands are grasped with knuckles, white.
I cannot sleep with jaw so tight--

I dream a fire burns.

Pure white in intensity--
no longer does he comfort me;
this fire churns me from my sleep--

Awakening. My lesson, learned.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2002-01-16 08:28 AM

(smiles) Sooooooooo wonderfully said, sweet friend, what a powerful poem on the expressions of jealousy, emptiness, and the comfort that comes through lessons learned. (kiss on cheek) I love it, sweet friend, you always amaze me with your work, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

2 posted 2002-01-16 08:44 AM

                                           hands in bleed from plead...rope burn.

                                               Tar-pit bubbling underneath
                                             Quicksand begging to chew feet
                                              and this be but a day I greet--

                                             I still have night for eye's discern.

                                              Not much time to make a bed.
                                              Sunset is foreshadow'd dread.
                                              I gather moss to cushion head

                                              in memory of velvet spurned.

                                               ===========================
                                            Eyes in clench of quench of night;
                                         my hands are grasped with knuckles, white.
                                             I cannot sleep with jaw so tight--

                                                 I dream a fire burns.

                                               Pure white in intensity--
                                              no longer does he comfort me;
                                            this fire churns me from my sleep--
=====================================

Ok...now Im  worried...are you trying to say youre not a moth anymore

As Im reading this with my "critique eyes"...all I can do is smile at you...
you worked these images and metaphors till you made them yours....
and the clever repetative rhyme scheme is just a cool....
when read with me eyes of twin....this aches off the page and bleeds down it....
speaking again to your talent of expression.
Lessons learned???? The hard way baby...tis the only way a moth can fly

heart-hugs KA
me

Even thru the darkest phase, be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave, here beneath my skin
Constant Craving ... has always been.

Alan
Senior Member

since 2000-09-12

Posts 1499
right next door

3 posted 2002-01-16 08:49 AM

this is perfect you. Written the way only you can. great job
alan

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

4 posted 2002-01-16 11:46 AM

Serenity, I cant believe I missed this one. It is so beautifully written. floria

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

5 posted 2002-01-16 12:23 PM

Oh WOW!!!This is absolutely stunning....you have truly captured the essence of lessons learned. **big hugs**

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Robert A
Member

since 2001-10-29

Posts 174

6 posted 2002-01-16 03:51 PM

the lines breaking up seemed to have a great effect on this, but you know, hell, women jealous? NO way, Jose!

LOL

anyway, this sounded like a chant or something like that, I traveled to Africa once and well, this poem fits right in!

Robert

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

7 posted 2002-01-16 05:35 PM

Thanks to all, and smiling at Jan...mothlessness--what a concept!

and Robert, thanks for noticing the chant thing, (tho I think I went overboard to make the point) but you made me happy with the mention of it! Love you all...

!

Moonlight Romeo

Senior Member

since 2001-09-10

Posts 982
The heart of you

8 posted 2002-01-16 05:41 PM

The line breaks made me stop and think about those lines that you put there, and a unique rhyme scheme made it all worthwhile.

Great job, I've enjoyed reading you.

What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

9 posted 2002-01-16 06:31 PM

serenity - phew, what a great read.... Feelings you write, and they are there...

BC

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

10 posted 2002-01-16 07:43 PM

serenity...this could have been chanted over
a cauldron....by a most talented witch or
sorceress....Nicely done...

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

11 posted 2002-01-16 07:50 PM

...loved it all three reads...

jwesley

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

12 posted 2002-01-16 11:02 PM

Karen,

I do think this is some of your better writing. VERY good, my friend.

Michael

Michael Auguste~
There is more depth to the heart than the mind can comprehend and it only has boundaries when we choose to fence it in.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.