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Open Poetry #17
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Walking in the Rain
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Walking in the Rain |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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Rewrite Repost: Walking in the rain Spasms of water Through chasms of air Sport me a porter By mar and declare. Drops of erosion Exploiting each spot Blurs of explosion That drench in a blot. I'm chilled and alone No shelter no door Just wet to the bone With endless encore. Thoughts grow ennui And ghosts turn to white. Some drops upset me Though some will fall light. Yet I can't explain The sane of the rain. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Rain is sane in only that the earth rebounds to birth when rain is fey all dries away... Loved it!... but you knew that! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Sunshine, That's cause you're so lovable. *L* |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
I like it very much! I didn't see the original so don't know the changes. The only line that gave me questions because I don't understand what it's saying is: "by mar and declare" I'm thinking 'mar' is for sea, but I can't put that together with the rest of the line and make sense of it, so I think I'm wrong about it referring to the sea. Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Seymour, this is a fantastic write! I love the way the rain makes me feel moody, and introspective....this makes me feel that.  excellent! "If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it." ~Jonathan Winters |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
VAS, One meaning of "mar" is blemish. Thanks so much for the read. Sea, Exactly, thanks for the read. *L* |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
So sad, and loved the metaphor, although I kinda like walking in the rain. Born wet, yanno!  Always a pleasure to read you. Like my morning cup of coffee! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, It's nice to be someones cup of coffee. *L* |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Vandana, Enjoyed your enjoy. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I love rain and never grow tired of reading poems about it....my daughter once wrote one but didn't keep it and she really had the gift! Kathleen |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Irish, Glad you like this, thank you. *L* |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
beautifully written, my friend... Regards, Seymour, sudhir |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Sy, I enjoyed this and love the rain. Puts me into a writing mood...ya know? Thought so! ~hugs, Nancy~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
They say we will be having lots of rain here for the next few days but haven't seen it yet...it rained for a few last night...I like walking in the rain but not working or driving in the rain...always think of that song "Just a walkin' in the rain...gettin' soakin' wet...torture in my heart...tryin' to forget."...and I have a few experiences of my own when I was walkin' in the rain. James |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Sudhir, Thank you friend. Nancy, Thanks for the like. *L* James, Thanks for the like and interesting comment. |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* I love to walk in the rain as long as the rain is warm. This is wonderful writing. It had me seeing myself walking in the rain. I love it. Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Startime, Glad you enjoyed and thank you. *L* |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Well....I gotta umbrella built for two. *winkiewinkie*    he said ... "dont cry" ... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, Put a beard on him and he does sort of look like me. Thank you love now we can put the rain to sleep. WW R S. |
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