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Open Poetry #17
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Summer to Winter Memories - From the Journal, 1868
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Summer to Winter Memories - From the Journal, 1868 |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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Summer to Winter Memories, 1868 Summer shimmered her well come, waves of warm greeted her each step through tall grass prairie, she arduously wandered among the willows, near a full croaking pond, seven months full of new beginning, when a diminutive spruce cunningly fixed her eye to behold nature’s perfection, having emerged long before her arrival to the plains, a stately, shapely evergreen, in the wind she stood, remembering her mother’s home, a Christmas to remember, perfect in every way, this flawless evergreen would spruce their little soddy, to bring in blessings of the Host, near the tree, a robin eyed, uncertain of her, sentinel of its home, he took wing to scold her, protect his mate, her treasure, peering, she could see a tiny nest, beholding its turquoise gift then her heart heard, and she, deciding not to disturb this perfect home, gently tied a red ribbon from her neck around a limb, stop, do not enter, mother is home, both soon to-be-mothers, marveling over the sky blue promise, both small and wide, of new life coming to these wind swept plains, she stepped on, discerned a second spruce, though a bit bare sided, it would fit well enough against sod walls come Christmas, so tied a green ribbon from her neck to a branch, this would be the one to bring to the soddy for the Host judges perfection of symbol more when held in one’s heart, and her heart left this robins home for generations to come ~*~ Christmas Eve found him with wagon pulled by horse, following summer footsteps, in search of red and green ribbons, recalling her story now summer’s pond held quiet, ice shimmering cracks along its surface, deer and elk tracks tracing, wolf tracks in pursuit, his breath a foggy haze around his head he went past the spectacular evergreen with ribbon, still brightly red, on to a spruce that would do, tied with faded green silk cutting, loading, recalling her story, he stopped by the perfect evergreen and extricated a treasure ~*~ In their three room soddy, mother tended child in their room, father placed tree, bare side to wall, then carefully affixed a treasure among the limbs, then a second treasure, held safely in his pocket these long months found on the day of their son’s birth he awaited his bride’s coming with babe in arms, proffered a small wooden box, her mother’s ornaments, then taking their child from her, she opened the box, stepped to their tree, a small “oh” escaping her lips, turning, with quicksilver tears, of how, where, all unspoken, for she had discovered a small nest, holding a small oval shape of turquoise rock, over a bit of red silk ribbon, a symbol, of life, everlasting. The Host would know. ~*~ ©Karilea Rilling Jungel 22 December 01 [This message has been edited by Sunshine (12-22-2001 09:43 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh my Karilea ... beautifully composed, with vivid imagery and delightful description. Thank you for this lovely story to lift our spirits high.  Best wishes, /Kit |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Wow, a timeless story spun with perfection, I am in awe (once more)... did I say I liked, yes I did. Regards, Olias. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Sunshine, is this going to take me a while? Probably.  That's fine though, I have a lot of time on my hands... You do a good job deciding where the lines end and where the others begin. Sometimes it's in the middle of a sentence or thought (which I usually loathe), but I realize that what you did was to bring more attention to the word that starts the next line... and when I looked at it like that, I realized that it is in fact necessary for this particular poem's flow, imagery and thoughtfulness. Let's start from the top... "Well come." Nice, uses "welcome" but divides the word, making both of the words within more obvious and meaningful. Personification of "summer" is a great way to begin your poem... it leaps headfirst into the imagery by making something difficult to grasp... the summer "shimmering" her "well come." Makes my brain work for the image. You do some more personifications in this stanza as well, and that's a good technique to make the character's surroundings seem more important and lively. Brings the nature portion of the image alive with a basic technique. Nice work. The way you separate the next stanza about the evergreen, and describe it more closely... gives another focus for the poem to shift to. Your focus is all over the place here... but then you suddenly direct it at the evergreen. I understand the signifigance of the tree for now, as a well-known Christmas symbol. In the next stanza you affirm that association that the reader would make by mentioning Christmas. There isn't much else done in this short stanza... you use "remember" twice a bit closely together. That's one thing that hit me as a scratch. The robin in the next stanza... this is the first time you actually focus on animal life. It was a good idea to dedicate a stanza to this shift. Robins are also a good choice, because they bring the colour red to mind, which is a Christmas colour. In the next stanza you say "beholding" in a way that suggests that the nest, and not the woman, is in fact "beholding" something. I think that could be revised, maybe, to put it more on the woman (which is, I assume, the one "beholding" was intended to refer to). The next stanza I admit phases me. She didn't want to disturb the home, so she took a ribbon from her neck and tied it around a limb... "stop, do not enter, mother is home." I know this has some sort of meaning but I can't pinpoint it... uh... little help?  (Oh wait, I think I might have it... does the red ribbon mean that the tree is taken, and she's making sure nobody takes it?)Now the next I do understand, the comparison between the woman and the robin mother. I love that concept... it makes a close connection between humanity and nature, which you've been doing in this poem already with great skill. I also like the words "wind swept plains." I think "wind swept" should be "wind-swept" though. In the next stanza she settles for a mediocre tree, magnifying her mercy in not taking the tree accompanied by the robin family. The next stanza says pretty much the same thing, and I don't know if it's even necessary in this poem, unless you feel that you must reveal it blatantly for the reader. I don't know if the last stanza of this part does anything but remove some interperetational value. The next part begins like the first stanza of the first part began... with a personification (sort of). Even if this isn't really personifying Christmas Eve, it's still granting an alternate entity the active verb, and that's enough to parallel the first part. It works too... nice job here. The pond... you revisit the pond and describe it in a winter setting, using animals that aren't even present on the scene for that extra hint of winter imagery. Also, use of "cracks" and "tracks" as similar words has good association value, that these cracks in the ice were formed progressively by nature, much like the tracks were. The next stanza has rhyme, enough said. Good job working a minor rhyme into a poem so loosely formatted.Oh, the next... "faded green silk." That's another perfect sign of the time that passed since the woman came here. Helps to remind the reader that months have passed since the woman visited the forest, and once more divides it from the first stanza. The next stanza is vague, I like that, but it hints at its meaning by repeating "treasure." I love hints in poetry... they're hard to do without being blatant. Once more, good work... The unity formed in the next part is really good, and the story comes full-circle. All the characters that were mentioned are present in this part, a great way to end the poem... I love the last line of the first stanza, it's once more bringing the timeline to attention, which is a very important element of the poem. One thing that I didn't like about the stanza was the two events that both began with the word "then." It was too redundant... The rest of this part is fluid and all works together, so I won't bother going stanza by stanza in it... it's just sweet overall, and full of a lot of positive emotion and warmth. What a great guy, eh? Your tone in this poem is very consistent, the vocabulary is impressive... I have very few bad things to say about it. A wonderful story, told in an absolutely amazing form with a definite skill... Kudos, Sunshine... I really enjoyed this a lot. Oh, and sorry for being so long-winded in my reply... ~Allan |
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
Ahhh, Sissie, such a wonderful story you weave so very well. May your soddy series keep intriguing us with their magic...very gentle smile |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Karilea...in less than 50 words...I enjoyed this poem...painting a wonderful picture of another time and place...the bird, the tree...their lives together... thank you. |
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thepoeticplumber Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 185 |
Your poem was like watching a movie on the big screen. I was so engulfed by your words. A wonderful Christmas poem to surely be read each year. Thank You, God Bless You, and Merry Christmas. Roger |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
you give my eyes, so much pleasure in your words, and warm my heart with the story of such sweet love.....always, thank you...... |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Sea said it all, it is soothing for the eyes to "see" your words. Someday I can envision Soddy on the screen, and I will say, "I read her when...". This was another installment of a saga that truly does warm my soul. Thank you Sunny One~ ~*~ The Very Best Of The Season To You And Yours ~*~ |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Sunshine, If I could do summer to winter with the style and grace you have done...I would never have to work again. AMAZING! Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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