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Open Poetry #17
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Empty, I...
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Empty, I... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Never has my heart beat three. And no, not I, to be confused-- 'concession speech' (It's true.I lose.) did ever whisper I: "Suffice..." I yearn my heart beat time to one. (Creation--all would be undone.) Methinks you want for me to bleed. Chalice--empty--craving seed... awaiting fate-- amongst the dogs, I leave full plate puzzled by their greed. *repost, reworked, from Open #7* |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Karen, this is so sad. Has your heart been stepped on? This brought forth a very strong memory. Hope all is well. Cyber HUGS to you. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
thanks for the repost... regards, sudhir |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hope you don't still have this feeling as strongly. Excellent poem, you touch on many thoughts I have had. Sandra |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
*game show voice-over* It's that time again......  Rockin poem, Serenity. You get better with the iambs every day, my girl! Some things that caught my eye especially - Stanza one... the last line, the "confession speech." Four words, kind of makes "speech" a contradiction, or a sarcasm maybe? Really neat work on that line... "I yearn my heart beat time to one." I can only imagine how many rewordings it took you to fit the scheme, but that line is just perfect. The rhythm and wording makes it just vague enough to keep the mysterious quality of the poem (which is present in most all of your writing), while still delivering the intended idea. The last line is so strange and confusing... so wonderful... I'm studying this poem a bit more yet. There's a lot that I missed on this one and I have to get it just right... Your work... astounds me always, sweetheart... you're making me believe in magic.  ~Allan [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (12-20-2001 01:40 AM).] |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
incredible Serenity! I like this very much!!  |
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