Regret... (inspired by Doreen's "Jewels of Adorn")

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-12-10 03:29 AM

Regret

Your story does astound me, such a beast of logic pure
I have no parallel to give, no likeness to ensure
I see in you a being with her hands closed tightly near
Towards her chest, anticipating destinations clear

Hold strong your gaze, amuse me as I glance into your eyes
Whose irises peruse the pasts of kisses and goodbyes
I'm so unsure of feelings that your heart so advertises
Your history of lovers that so slowly crystallizes

You turn on me a mirror of reflection and regret
In which I see a little me, a boy I can't forget
Whose life was built on solitude, without a trace of shame
Who lived behind a door of wood, to play his childish game

Before me but a peekhole, and within I see your stance
Hence why I speak my verse to you, why I project my trance
Perhaps when you look back on me, you'll know what luck you live
So difficult is love to find, yet simple, love to give...

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 12-10-2001).]

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2001-12-10 03:54 AM

Stunningly beautiful. Nothing could improve it, this is as wonderful as the poetry which inspired it.

icequeen
Senior Member

since 2001-12-09

Posts 633
FL USA

2 posted 2001-12-10 04:00 AM

hmmm... another "Oscar" contender.
Beautifully done.

...and her crown was formed by the ice in her eyes

Siofra

Senior Member

since 2000-09-28

Posts 551
State of Suspended Passion

3 posted 2001-12-10 04:22 AM

Oh yes..This is just perfect!

I am many.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2001-12-10 05:32 AM

I wish I could return the favor here...but there is nothing here to critique!

delicately written but still powerful...

I loved this...and now? I've gotta go...sadly..I'll be back soon! love to you, have a great holiday! HUGS.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

5 posted 2001-12-10 05:47 AM

This is beautifully written... Allan...

regards,
sudhir

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

6 posted 2001-12-10 06:01 AM

BRAVO! THis is ooutstanding, as is Doreen's poem
Very well done, my friend
I shall read again
THanks for this delight
Liz

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

7 posted 2001-12-10 06:07 AM

"Hold strong your gaze, amuse me as I glance into your eyes
Whose irises peruse the pasts of kisses and goodbyes"

This is wonderful Allan! Beautiful cadence and rhythm throughout, and your sentiments and phrasing are excellent ... very much enjoyed!

Best wishes,
/Kit

True Reflections
Member

since 2001-12-04

Posts 143
Ohio, USA

8 posted 2001-12-10 01:22 PM

Allan,
Masterful writing. One of the better poems I've had the pleasure to read here. Well done.

Roger

sodpossom
Senior Member

since 2001-06-15

Posts 723
N.C

9 posted 2001-12-10 01:25 PM

A pure beauty!Enjoyed it!

Stevie

"In all things tried,you did the best you could do"

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

10 posted 2001-12-10 03:01 PM

Your history of lovers that so slowly crystallizes

You turn on me a mirror of reflection and regret
In which I see a little me, a boy I can't forget
Whose life was built on solitude, without a trace of shame
Who lived behind a door of wood, to play his childish game

Before me but a peekhole, and within I see your stance
Hence why I speak my verse to you, why I project my trance
Perhaps when you look back on me, you'll know what luck you live
So difficult is love to find, yet simple, love to give...
=====================================

ya got some very cool lines in this Allen...
and the whole poem is made cooler by being inspired by another poets work...and like Lady Peri's poem your cadence made this a pleasure to read aloud.
I especially enjoyed the impact of that last line...a perfect closing to this.
Im glad to see you posting in here...Id like to read more of your work.
later,jm

Its not like you to say sorry,
I was waitin on a different story.
This time I'm mistaken ...
for handing you a heart worth breaking.

Nickleback

RosePetal

Member Elite

since 2001-08-26

Posts 2985
South Florida

11 posted 2001-12-10 03:24 PM

This is definitely a masterpiece! It flowed so perfectly Allan! Loved it.

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

12 posted 2001-12-10 03:27 PM

Beautifully done Allan - this poem has a lovely flow and a great message to it.

Michael

Rogue24
Member

since 2001-12-01

Posts 111
Ontario, Canada

13 posted 2001-12-10 04:21 PM

The flow, the words, that speak clearly to a heart. Awesome write! Cheers!
Ter.

Alone in the dark, through my thoughts comfort I do seek, through my words I find peace.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

14 posted 2001-12-10 04:37 PM

"Hold strong your gaze, amuse me as I glance into your eyes
Whose irises peruse the pasts of kisses and goodbyes"

(big hugggssssss) Oh James, this is sooooooo wonderfully written! (sigh) Your beautiful words always amaze me; love is indeed so difficult to find, but yet, as long as we share our love to the world, the more love we'll gain in return, and we will light the world with its magic! (smiles) This is marvelous, sweet James, this is a sure keeper! BRAVO!!! (big huggssssss) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet James, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.