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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2001-12-05 11:50 AM

This is a response to a painting challenge. The painting is of a very dark room. A window is open about 10 inches, a gown is in a heap on the floor, the curtains have been blown by a breeze, it is night outside. Here is the poem. Your honest critique will be appreciated because I'm really not yet satisfied with it.

I’ve gone on
left the tattered, wrinkled, spent
shell of what was my life
in my wake

for you,
for a while
will seem only darkness;
the light will have seemed
to have passed
as if through a window
escaping
on the breeze

this time
will be short-lived
though
the pain of it will lessen
you will again find the glimmer of hope
of promise
of rejoicing
when you are able to
delve into the creases of your mem’ries
to find the love
the kindness
the bond
of what we were
together

know,too,
that I have passed
as if through a window
into eternal light
and I shall reside in its glow
safe, secure,
free from darkness, forever

and I will be here
when you come to join me

be not afraid of the night
merely close your eyes
and dream of the light
held in the unity that was us

for surely
we so remain

©December 5, 2001
Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

1 posted 2001-12-05 12:07 PM

Virginia, I have a few suggestions, and will be sending you an e-mail...

Thank you for this...

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

2 posted 2001-12-05 01:37 PM

this is intriguing, I'm going to read this again. There's something here I'm touched by, moved by.

Kathleen (Kay)
"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2001-12-05 01:46 PM

(smiles) Oh my gosh, I love this, Virginia, it feels as if I'm gazing through a window and seeing your spirit light as you shield your loved one with a warm kiss as the curtains flutter in the breeze. (sigh) Oh my gosh, this is sooooooo beautiful, I love it! (kiss on cheek) YAY!!! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Virginia, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

sodpossom
Senior Member

since 2001-06-15

Posts 723
N.C

4 posted 2001-12-05 01:52 PM

Very interesting and well done!

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

5 posted 2001-12-05 02:34 PM

I have an excellent suggestion ... KEEP on writing

I love how you challenge yourself

timothysangel1973

Senior Member

since 2001-12-03

Posts 1725
Never close enough

6 posted 2001-12-09 02:06 AM

I CAN SEE THE PAINTING...

AND YOUR WORDS HAVE ADDED AN EVEN SWEETER TOUCH TO WHAT SURELY IS A MIRACULOUS PEICE OF ART.

(((HUGS)))

TIMOTHYS ANGEL

Dont let it end like this, tell them I said something. ~Pancho Villa

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