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jaded
Junior Member

since 2001-07-24

Posts 20

0 posted 2001-07-24 06:20 AM

NUMB (time to quit)
======================================

i've heard this song a million times,
yet cant recall a single word,
in a crowded room with a microphone,
yet nothing can be heard.

sinking deeper, heavy chains,
skys wont seem so blue again,
no rope or branch of hope to grasp,
this breath might just become my last.

admit defeat, just give it up,
the light has gone, the door slammed shut,
a valley which once seemed so green,
was nothing more than just a dream.

give half a chance that i could fly,
a spark would come back in my eye,
until that life i wait and pray,
my body's dead, and life is gone.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2001-07-24 08:30 AM

Sometimes we can feel like this, especially in a crowded room...but once you get around understanding people who see your gifts as an extension of you, then all things begin to make sense!

Welcome to Passions! Please, check your e-mail for a special greeting!

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ

KokoStewartKoomoa
Senior Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 580
Waikiki, Hawaii

2 posted 2001-07-24 08:33 AM

welcome! I enjoyed your poem a lot. aI look forard to more! aloha, Koko

Aloha with warmest regards, Koko
Please Visit my new web-page
http://www.koko-stewart-koomoa.cityslide.com/contents/contents.cfm/190111

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2001-07-24 08:37 AM

interesting..and while I understand the feeling...giving up...and feeling dead..

I also know it changes..if we allow others in..and if we work at it..

nicely written

jaded
Junior Member

since 2001-07-24

Posts 20

4 posted 2001-07-24 08:47 AM

thanks very much guys

i'm sorry for it being a bit on the depressing side, i just thought it'd be interesting to use a whole lot of imagery and vivid rhyming and rhythm to see what effect it has on the reader, its so great how different people see different things

thats only the second poem I've ever written in my life, so, thanks for the feedback, and if anyone has feelings about how this piece makes them feel, i'd love to hear them

take care,
simon jaded

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

5 posted 2001-07-25 02:44 PM

The only difference between a winner and a loser is the attitude.
Never give up ... "American" ends in "I can."

jaded
Junior Member

since 2001-07-24

Posts 20

6 posted 2001-07-25 02:59 PM

its nothing to do with that - ever had one of those moments where nothing seems to be going right?

and anyhow, its not the winning or losing that matters, its the taking part that counts :P

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

7 posted 2001-07-25 03:53 PM

The images in this were good.
I know exactly what you meant in
your poem.
I do believe the title fits great!
Welcome.
A very good poem
And I can't wait to read more,
It was really interesting. (in a good way!)

~*Freedom Is Not Free*~ (Korean War Memorial)

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