»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #15
»
Discarded Love
| Open Poetry #15 |
|
Discarded Love |
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
It once held promise, Filled with the unknown Treasures that make Eyes glow Now ,like trash thrown Carelessly out By the unthinking Or uncaring it catches the wind fills for a moment With emptiness Only to collapse and Skid across the day So tangled in the Limbs of life’s tree And tattered by time It holds nothing |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
you've caught the images so very well here...I have now come across both those plastic grocery bags as well as Charlie's poor kite, all wrapped up in the naked limbs of my lightning-bolted cottonwood.... Well done Sir |
||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I too pictured a plastic bag, but I can see it filling with hope  the way you write is amazing |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Lady: Thank You. The image and idea came from exactly the things you described... I just thought of how much a discarded love was like the empty bag.. Thanks again!! Sea... girl,it is amazing how I write. Who would think anyone could consistantly do it as poorly as I do?  Thank you for the very nice words |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Cpat...my turn heh... I like this - I particularly liked this image: 'Only to collapse and Skid across the day' I was just curious about your punctuation? It's very haphazard...I always suggest aiming for consistency. Also, with that in mind how do you feel about the first verse reading like this: Once it held promise, Filled with unknown Treasures, which make Eyes glow it just seems to read a little easier. Over all - very nice flow - thanks I enjoyed this muchly...oh yes - and I liked your format...it looks like it could be all tidy and perfect in four line stanzas with a one line break - but its very irregularity suggests the nature of discarded love itself..  KI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
SVERN... thanks for the comments.. punctuation and speling are not my strong points by any means... I hear these in my head and find myself putting line breaks and or commas where I here pauses..not a very educated way to write..but still the only way at present I know how to. I rarely follow form..which again is most probably a lack of discipline and of education. Poetry to me is as visual as it is auditory...in that I only see the images and hear the sounds..the form follows what I hear..( laughing) Now talk about babbling..I can babble. Thanks very much for the thoughts...I will consider them when I edit this, which I will do after reading your comments. |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Cpat... you're wellicomies... you know - I don't write to 'form' per se...freeverse has no set form by any means. I find that word placement and punctuation can just add something vital to a piece - visually and auditory. A good thing to do - if you don't already - is to read your piece aloud. Better yet - get someone else to read it aloud to you. Then you will hear how the line breaks and pauses are perceived by someone else. It can be quite amazing to realise that your poem might sound totally different to how you wrote it in your head. And sorrowful haha. Babbling is fun is it not? KI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
SVERN: Alas.. other than those who read my words here.. no one reads my poetry..so to have someone read it aloud to me..is rather impossible. I do read it out loud to myseld, however being jaded by what I hear in my head, I read it just like I heard it before..( laughing ) Guess that makes me a terrible editor of my own words... Do appreciate the thoughts!! |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
pssssssst...it's Severn not Svern lolling...though Svern could sound kind of Irish accented... ROTF@ your jadedness. I get caught up in a weird poetry mood and I can't possibly hear my own pieces in any other way but my whimsical, wispy poetic inner-voice (until later when I cringe). I'm sure my poems are all read so differently to how I intend! Hey - come over to Critical Analysis sometime...it's fuuuuuuuuuuuuun there and everyone is very nice really. Heh. Contrary to popular opinion. hehehe... KI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Well.. I think I will call you SEVEN... dropping the R simply because you seem to fit the numeric category... logical... and fitting into equations and theory quite well. (laughing) |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
~splutter~ ~gasp~ I've never been called logical before. I think that's possibly the highest compliment I've ever received...rotf... Smiling SevenI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
(actually you can just call me K like everyone else lol...) I'm going to bed now - my eyes are still miraculously open...not sure how they've managed it heh... goodnight debater Sir (and really I am right...) K |
||
|
MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Powerful, as usual. Very strong imagery, as usual. Sad and truthful, many times... Enjoyed the read. -MVS "When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said." |
||
|
shadow974 Senior Member
since 2001-06-21
Posts 636Michigan |
It plays on the emagination. I saw it as an empty dox which wonce held photographs taken by a couple in love. Good read, Capt Hair. Do not fear going forward slowly, |
||
|
SmittenKitten Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131where the sky and horizon meet |
Wow...great images Cpat...I really enjoyed this poem. ~Krista |
||
|
Mishtheelf Member
since 2001-07-10
Posts 68 |
Yet another perspective on lost love. Quite well written. An impressive piece of lit., I must say. |
||
|
catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
This reminds me a poem I did called "Leftovers". Sad how love and so many other emotions, are so randomly discarded. Enjoyed the analogies. Sandra |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
What is sad is how one will just throw it all away and the other will be holding on desperately hoping for the best...James |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
