Open Poetry #15 |
But I can’t see me without you. |
The Rusty Knight Member
since 2001-08-29
Posts 414Texas |
I can’t see me without you. I can see the raindrops slowly dripping from the leaves And I can see the grey clouds as they move across the sky. But I can’t see me without you. I can see the flowers as they gently move in the breeze And I can see a band of gold that circles my finger. But I can’t see me without you. I can see giant oaks covered with moss And I can see a baby held gently in its mother’s arms. But I can’t see me without you. I can see a hundred people with tears in their eyes And I can see your name on a cold white stone. But I can’t see me without you. RdanJ 9-2001 Death comes not when we cease to breath, but when we cease to dream. |
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© Copyright 2001 RdanJ2001 - All Rights Reserved | |||
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
You reminded me of how hard it was too let go of someone...because I couldn't see myself without them...now I can...James |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Ah Rusty Knight...This is very very touching. The imagery is fantastic on this one as well. I really love this write. ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Oh I know just what you mean..I hope this is not a true sad ending.. Sandra |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Rusty Knight You show such passion in your writing and I'll look forward to reading more of your wonderful work. You paint very romantic pictures from your palette of fine words. Take care.....Sue Suetang |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Dan~ Pulling the heartstrings here~ Nicely done~ ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Rusty Knight - It's hard to read with tears in my eyes. How beautiful. Thankyou. Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
This is so, so touching. Tears in my eyes too. Beautifully written If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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The Rusty Knight Member
since 2001-08-29
Posts 414Texas |
Thank you all for your comments. No this was not from personal experience, but through the eyes of a friend. Like a lot of poems a line (I can't see me without you) was stuck in my head and I had to write something around it. This is the darkest thing I have written. Thanks again this is a wonderful place to share our poems with friends. Death comes not when we cease to breath, but when we cease to dream. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I know very well what it is like to have one line run around your head until captured, and pinned by pen.... well done! |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Very poignant write. I really hadn't expected the white stone...I was just expecting an ended relationship due to change of heart...this is a hard hard part. Well-written, Rusty Knight, extremely. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I like this - Your theme is great - your presentation is wonderful.. and your message rings loud & clear.. |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
Yes, sad but true...i enjoyed your lovely words ..nothing rusty about this poem ha.. ~Victoria~ Every child is an artist. The challenge is to remain an artist once he grows up. |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
heartfelt penned.... Charisma |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Rusty, I'd like to see her answer. Enjoyed |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
Such a lovely romantic piece..... I really enjoyed it sooooo much. You have said it so well....and managed to pen down that line beautifully. Thank you ********************* "Oh...me!Oh Life! |
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RosePetal
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida |
Wow, this is a good piece. Nice Imagery!! <3 RosePetal |
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Zinsser Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641Calif. |
What everyone else said and more... I didn't expect the White Stone either... Beautiful! ~Connie~ |
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