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Second Wind
| Open Poetry #15 |
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Second Wind |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
~Second Wind~ I've felt this storm brewing for months now I knew this hard rain was coming in There will be no place to seek shelter For this storm rages beneath my skin This sure 'aint the best I can be I don't know how I got so lost while standing still Now I'm not sure I can find my way back to me Too much taken away too soon has also taken away my will And I know some things are my mistakes I'll take more than my share of the blame So much has happened it's gotten to the point Neither of us can explain nor hide the shame Of all the ways I seem to constantly fail you Just by simply being me And all the things that you still cant give Leaves little left between us but harsh reality Do you even recognize me now I wonder if you ever knew who I was before Its been so long since you really looked at me And Im not sure if it even matters anymore Now we walk in wide circles around this void And we fill the holes with more emptiness While we reach out to intimate strangers trying to find comfort in temptation's caress So we sleep with phone card lovers And we seek corners of comfortably numb We paint the walls in shades of denial To the drugs of depression we wearily succumb We escape into cyberspace Hiding our ugly behind the pretty blue screen Here we are loved for what we say, not who we are Here we can find the serene, the obscene, and all in between In this medium we can be--all that we're not The perfect fantasy dressed in lace anonymity I'll make you moan just to keep from being alone Even though we both know you'd never want me in reality Cyberspace makes being bad feel way too good We constantly confuse love and lust We feel safe sitting in our computer chairs So we naively give away both our hearts and our trust But now I'm so worn by loving people That I'll never be able to touch It leaves an empty ache burning deep inside And it all just hurts too damn much Then there is this sense of loneliness That has owned me for as long as I can remember And the painful realization that I wont ever recover from The butterfly losses sustained in 99's Forever December How much of one's heart can be given away Before we can no longer pay the cost How deep inside of me can I go Before I simply become lost And those who are supposed to care the most Shake their heads never even trying to understand Those who have stood by me, as I once did them Well, I can count them on one trembling hand Yet they wonder why I stopped talking And choose to let my rhymes speak for me instead Still, while the poetry quietly comforts It wont keep us warm when we're lying in loneliness' bed As I sit here watching the you in me slowly dying I pray that my heart will live to tell God help me, I don't think I'm strong enough And I know this time it's gonna hurt like hell Now I look out into the distance Wondering if there's something kind And I know I need to find some purpose But I'm just so tired and I'm feeling left behind So once again this storm rises to the surface And I'm not sure if I'm giving up or giving in Sometimes I just cant breathe in this second skin too thin Lord forgive me this ... I'm just searching for my second wind Janet Marie ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "We're all feeding our lonely ... like it might go away ... Like the doors to Heaven would swing open ... If we could just find the right words to say." ~Edwin McCain~ "We wish ourselves beautiful ... and cry in the night ... It's not the love you fear ... it's the fall from the height. My personal ledges ... afraid to look down ... My crepe paper bridges ... enough water to drown. So don't leave me ... but I know you're justified ... No don't leave me ... but a part of you in me has died" ~Edwin McCain~ "And I have traveled through my mind I've given all my dreams up to time Tell me what else can I do We'll I'm nothing without you But you, you just don't know what to do I guess I'll have to lose my love for you These feelings cannot stay Cause I'm withering away" ~Vertical Horizon~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` *inspired by recent conversations with friends about marriage, divorce, loneliness, and the impact that "cyber-love" and the computer has had on us. Also inspired by things read here in the poetry, discussion forums, and replies on these same topics. And while my "mothy" temptations are well documented on these pages ...  Not all of this is from my personal life.(or the lack of it) *S* This is meant to be an honest look at the things "we" sometimes hurt ourselves on when we are trying to escape being lonely and also a frank commentary on one side of cyber-life. I am in no way judging anyone, nor do I mean to offend. thank you peace and poetry jm I know no one is to blame |
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| © Copyright 2001 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
JM - even for you, who writes so wonderfully, this is a marvelous piece. So much here, so much depth and understanding and feeling. I love it all... but especially this: ..."I don't know how I got so lost while standing still Now I'm not sure I can find my way back to me Too much taken away too soon has also taken away my will." Very deep bow from this commoner to the master.... jwesley [This message has been edited by jwesley (edited 08-12-2001).] |
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
Now I look out into the distance Wondering if there's something kind And I know I need to find some purpose But I'm just so tired and I'm feeling left behind Sigh, Janet Marie, there are so many points there that I could address to you, but this one sticks out like a red flag, for I have been there ahhh, way too many times. So for what it is worth, you can always count at least one on that trembling hand, but you sell yourself way too short, for more love you than you know..Peace to the wounded butterfly..Healing to the crippled spirit, but it all is there to rise again and fly unfettered in loves breeze...very tender gentle smile |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Janet Marie, you have gone to the heart of the matter. We let our heart and soul hang out for all here to see as we see their insides. Is it any wonder that we get lost out there? So many time "others" words give us hope and comfort, but then there are the words that cut to the quick. I wish I could heal others hurts, but I can't seem to comfort those I want to. Your words have made me think about all of those lives out there in that blue screen. I can see what you are saying and it is too easy to get lost out there. I wish us all luck in the future and take comfort from the past. Well done and hold that thought. ME |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Janet, my sweet friend... this is a lovely open look at how we can get lost in this reality. It has its joys and pains and so many sweet and sinful ways...  Thanks for shareing this lovely write.  Your computer or Mine.. Parker |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Janet Marie--you see right through into the heart and that makes you very special..and if it were your hand you were counting friends on, I stand with Logan. This poem is a work of art..and you an artist, with an understanding heart that is amazing!!..Hugs!!!!! |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
So once again this storm rises to the surface And I'm not sure if I'm giving up or giving in Sometimes I just cant breathe in this second skin too thin Lord forgive me this ... I'm just searching for my second wind This reminds me so much, of "Waiting to Exhale" the book/movie. I hope you don't have to sell and burn everything to cleanse as she did. Although I know why she did it all too well. I appreciate your frankness, it is refreshing, as I hope you become refreshed once again. This poem was very real to me, even though it is on a cyber board. I guess we have to take in this internet thing like water. Enough to quinch our needs but not enough to drown. If that makes any sense. I admire your trying, that's what makes it real. Peace to you Janet. Sincerely, Regina What lies behind us and what lies before us |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Of all the ways I seem to constantly fail you Just by simply being me And all the things that you still cant give Leaves little left between us but harsh reality Janet, this is one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn myself lately.....And I have taken it to heart or am trying very hard, but one can never fail when they have been true to themselves and have just been "me". Your words struck deep dear poetess, may peace be yours. On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Once again, you see so much, and speak for many...our moth of many colors... well done little one! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, You served your heart upon a poem. Took a life time to bake and make. I roam the same catacomb and fly in the same wake. The answer lies within yourself. But then you know that. Winkiewinkie Stinky. |
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citizenx Member
since 2001-07-31
Posts 189motorcade |
Now we walk in wide circles around this void And we fill the holes with more emptiness While we reach out to intimate strangers trying to find comfort in temptation's caress So we sleep with phone card lovers And we seek corners of comfortably numb We paint the walls in shades of denial To the drugs of depression we wearily succumb We escape into cyberspace Hiding our ugly behind the pretty blue screen Here we are loved for what we say, not who we are Here we can find the serene, the obscene, and all in between ============== Jan marie, I don't know how to even respond I am speechless, relationships are never easy, often draining so much that we wonder is love worth it and I believe it is. I am sure that I will come back to these words again, there honesty and power amaze me. Be well poetess. shadows flicker sweet end tame |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
just when I think your poetry couldn't touch me any deeper....couldn't...you go and give me more magic....no one else like you you are the Queen Butterfly |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
A painful read, no doubt a painful write, fantasy's seed, we sprout in cybers light, in life we bleed this "other" world ignites, fulfilling needs so safely from Loves sight. "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve" |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
 Don't just RUN naked through the forum---DANCE, BABY, DANCE!!! rofl... SIMPLY INCREDIBLE MY TWIN. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
You write pain very well This is an outstanding poem But I agree with Sy The answers are within yourself If you stand firmly where you are, and keep within view what's most important to you, the tough times are a bit easier. Depression is a innate characteristic of my disease, so I am constantly fighting it, whether it is present or not. I try to balance in my mind what I have with what I don't have. I always win. Love ya, dear Liz |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Janet this is an interesting expression of your inner thoughts...I feel like sometimes if we are not in our comfort zone we are trying to make peace with our past...James |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Of all the ways I seem to constantly fail you Just by simply being me And all the things that you still cant give Leaves little left between us but harsh reality JM, these lines really hit hard. You've penned a thought provoking piece my dear. An excellent write and a wonderful read. I enjoyed. Maree |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Sighs, Miss butterfly, you express these emotions too well! An awesome purge of raw feelings here, I'm sure many will relate~Melissa~ "Poetry is not an opinion expressed... |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is absolutely awesome, Janet Marie! Very well done! |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
'Of all the ways I seem to constantly fail you Just by simply being me And all the things that you still cant give Leaves little left between us but harsh reality Do you even recognize me now I wonder if you ever knew who I was before Its been so long since you really looked at me And Im not sure if it even matters anymore' 'Then there is this sense of loneliness That has owned me for as long as I can remember And the painful realization that I wont ever recover from The butterfly losses sustained in 99's Forever December How much of one's heart can be given away Before we can no longer pay the cost How deep inside of me can I go Before I simply become lost' I hope you know that you are the coolest, J...good...  ...but, really, this is an awesome write describing the hurt that can catch us if we're not careful...AND, I think you should put some clothes on...  ...excellent, girlie!  sp  no power in creation, |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I could write a book on depression but it would be too depressing. Janet Marie, you are one of my favorites here on the forums and believe me I read the pain and emotion in this one. Big hug coming your way. Please take care of yourself ok? " I walked beside the evening sea And dreamed a dream that could not be" George William Curtis" |
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maeve Member
since 2001-08-01
Posts 139In the Outback |
But now I'm so worn by loving people That I'll never be able to touch It leaves an empty ache burning deep inside And it all just hurts too damn much How much of one's heart can be given away Before we can no longer pay the cost How deep inside of me can I go Before I simply become lost So once again this storm rises to the surface And I'm not sure if I'm giving up or giving in Sometimes I just cant breathe in this second skin too thin Lord forgive me this ... I'm just searching for my second wind Oh Janet...I know these feelings all too well lately. It's your turn to write my feelings for me. Thank you, you touched me with this. Maeve Take me home to Erin's shores, |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
I'm not sure what I expected...but what I got was amazing girlie...so much truth that we ourselves can't look at but that you in your weave of bitter honesty have woven into the saftey of poetry...just by reading the replies here one can tell that this topic evokes many feelings inside of us and you once again have proved your poetry to be amazing. *kissing the toes of the queen*!! |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Intensely beautiful dear Janny girl amazing write hon....well done ~HUGS~ Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
honestly Janet, it's a bit long...but I suppose I've been somewhat out of touch with reading lately. Got lost in the middle and had to go back to the start, but upon my arrival towards the end, it was worth the time. |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
I'm not sure I know where to begin on this one Janet. Certainly a wonderful write, open, honest, almost an assault on the senses, though I doubt anyone could be offended. It touched me, thank you, take care! "Let me pierce the realm of glamour |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
I have to say I think the interpretation is dead on perfect, wonderful writing as always Jan-gator |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
The purge shall surge, and you shall ride the waves.... |
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illusion Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 296 |
"Of all the ways I seem to constantly fail you Just by simply being me" In this sadly beautiful poem, I think these lines affect me more than any other - for when you fail someone by being yourself, the failure is theirs, not yours - no matter how enthusiastically they try to lay guilt at your door.  "We escape into cyberspace Hiding our ugly ehind the pretty blue screen Here we are loved for what we say, not who we are" There are many wonderful people who are exactly what they say, but there are also monsters who epitomize charm as they wait to devour the vulnerable. You've described well the false safety we feel as we hope that the ones we trust follow the Golden Rule. This is a very powerful poem, very well written. The reader loses the superb rhyme and rhythm in the bitter truths. So many passages beg to be read again and again, lest we forget. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you all so very very much for these accepting and encouraging replies. Thank you to all who emailed as well. I wanted to clarify something... that verse about people not "standing by me" was not directed at anyone here... it was meant about old friends and family who find it easier to look the other way than deal with certain issues...as well as their lack of interest in my poetry.. thus the reason I prefer the company of fellow poets. Any way...thank you all, your constant support and acceptance means more than these replies will ever convey. Love to Poetry Land jm We're all feeding our lonely...like it might go away... |
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