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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2001-08-08 09:37 AM

You Thoughts

Watched the moonglow that night I left.
It's fullness covering my thoughts
in a richness not yet deserved.

Watched it follow me, mirror my existence
until I rounded that mind bend
and left it behind, except for You-thoughts.

Some day, maybe, perhaps, I shan't
have to leave myself to become with you.
Everything will blend, and I will be able
to drink of a full life again...

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 08-08-2001).]

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

1 posted 2001-08-08 10:01 AM

Very nice, but a slight rewite,
if you don't mind

Watched the moon glow that night I left.
Having to leave myself to become with you.
It's fullness covering my thoughts
in a richness not yet deserved.

Watched it follow me, mirroring my existence,
then to leave myself to become with you.
until I rounded that mind bend
and left it behind, except for You-thoughts.

Some day, maybe, perhaps, I shan't
have to leave myself to become with you.
Everything will blend, and I will be able
to drink of a full life again...

just a suggestion of a possible modification
Gloom

cpalmer
Senior Member

since 2001-06-26

Posts 977
Phoenix, Az

2 posted 2001-08-09 12:05 PM

I loved it!
Cindi

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2001-08-09 11:22 AM

Professor...Having to leave myself to become with you...could be a real treat..although 'tis better to blend..don't you think?

~smiling a thank you for the rewrite
M

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

4 posted 2001-08-09 11:23 AM

Cindi, thank you, I am glad you enjoyed my words...*s

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Marge Tindal