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Open Poetry #15
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{{{ The Vision of her }}}
| Open Poetry #15 |
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{{{ The Vision of her }}} |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
 ~~*The vision of her*~~ He thought of her As if he never ever had any thoughts He spoke of her As if he has never had words but for her & he waited as if he has never waited before waited for The soft-petal like presence of her The breathtaking vision of her waited…… His eyes gleaming His mind vacant but of thoughts of her And all his words And poetry stood On guard Waiting…. And whenever she comes… Opening locked doors Crossing all streams He holds his breath Sits in silence hearing all sounds of her The soft whispers of her dress The beckoning music that waits Patiently to welcome her And that drum in him That seems to overcome all The keen senses Which stand on an edge waiting for her… He hears the delicate steps of her As she walks through the corridors ….. Praying silently she’d come his way Silence…… And she comes….. Through the misty horizon A vision…… He hardly could ever believe, he has glimpsed A dream, he prays silently never to end….. And she enters The room……. A soft breeze following her trail Carrying the scent of her Lest it would be lost He has made a deal Long ago with the breeze To forever carry her scent And keep it safe For him When she is gone…. She stands before him And he…… He loses all words All delicately arranged alphabets For her All….. All of him There was only the presence of her The vision of her And everything else Was utterly An ancient lost memory Of times past That he is no longer sure He had even lived….. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thank you ********************* It's only me.......only me I hope that would suffice eternally {{to cross a sea of wonder, and hold close at heart all dreams}} [This message has been edited by MyEnchanted_Melody (edited 07-14-2001).] |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Quite lovely... |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
She stands before him And he…… He lose all words All delicately arranged alphabets For her All….. All of him There was only the presence of her The vision of her And everything else Was utterly An ancient lost memory Of times past That he is no longer sure He had even lived….. Enchanting.... and lovely Sounds like he has it bad..  |
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cpalmer Senior Member
since 2001-06-26
Posts 977Phoenix, Az |
Beautiful! Cindi God is our inspiration; Words of the heart can be music to our ears |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
very delicate and tender I will say I had to copy it, paste it onto one of my files, change the color and enlarge so I could read it...but then, for those with great eyesight, the delcateness is emphasized in the color and size you chose. I will say, you have an especially lovely line in this, but when you used it a second time, it seemed to lessen its power. The line is: 'soft petal like presence' I only say this because you indicate a desire for opinions and criticism that are helpful. I hope this is. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
MyEnchantedMelody~ So delicately delivered ... Softest anticipation ... very artfully portrayed. *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
~Lady in White~ Thank you.....  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Ron~ Oh.....Yeah.......It seems he does. I'm glad you liked those lines ..... Thank you dear friend ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Cindi~ Thank you for reading it..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Dear Vas~ I really appreciate your comment .....I didn't realize the font was so small as I frankly did it all in a hurry....but I have changed it now thanks to dear Marge's help and I hope it is better.... You are right about 'soft petal like presence' ......Thanks for drawing my attention to this..... I didn't mean to include the first two stanzas here.......(I deleted them now realizing the unintended mistake) as I said I was in a hurry and didn't realize that I have written them here until you pointed it out.....so Thanks a bunch dear  And I do welcome constructive criticism.... Thank you again ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dearest ~Marge~ How could I thank you my friend for your help and kindness....and of course your wonderful comment.......  and here is a bunch of {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}from me dear....... ****************************** It's only me.......only me I hope that would suffice eternally {{to cross a sea of wonder, and hold close at heart all dreams}} [This message has been edited by MyEnchanted_Melody (edited 07-13-2001).] |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
a vision that I would not complain if it were my last on earth. . . wow. . . passionate and deep. . . truly well done my friend. . . ------------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
~Dear Sven~ "a vision that I would not complain if it were my last on earth. . " <== Wow...That is surely such a nice tender thought.....  Million thanks dear for reading this and for such a nice lovely comment ...... ************************ It's only me.......only me |
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WhiteDragon Member
since 2001-07-07
Posts 70O-town, Fl |
Wow, that was one beautiful, inspiring poem. God Bless, Jeremy |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
This is nice work. Michael Auguste~ |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
~Jeremy~ Thank you for such a nice comment......God bless u too...... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Auguste~ Thank you ....... ********************************* It's only me.......only me |
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Romeo Junior Member
since 2001-06-13
Posts 43 |
hi there MyEnchanted_Melody Day by day I become more stronger on what I believe in God bless u my dear, and u do touched my soul by those beautiful lines , in which I couldn't say anything about , only to express my deep compassion &to praise your lovely pen and magnificent talent Keep up the good work ,so we can fly by the sweet breeze of yours to the fabulous DreamLand.... take care and see ya next time bye [This message has been edited by Romeo (edited 07-13-2001).] |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
Dear ~Romeo~ I don't know what to say sir to thank you for your generosity ....... God bless you too.......and I'm glad that my poem could take you there to the (dream land) .....I hope I'd always manage to do that.......Thank you dearly **************************** |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
This was so beautifully done and presented too, I loved it in every way! ~If you have a choice to sit down or dance, I hope that you dance~ |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
MEM, I've felt this wonderful feeling before, both when waiting for my muse and contact with a loved one... you have detailed this anticipation very elegantly and poignantly. (I think you have a couple of tiny typos you may want to adjust: "Carrying the scent f her", and "He lose all words". Other than that, what a silky description of familiarity!) -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
Dear ~Mysteria~ I'm surely glad that you loved it..... Thank you dear ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear ~Mark~ Then your muse is lucky and certainly your loved ones....... Thank you so much for drawing my attention to the typos.....I really didn't see them and I have adjusted them now thanks to you.... **************************** |
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Flutterwings Member
since 2001-07-10
Posts 288Maine |
It was like watching a love story in vivid color. Painted with the brush of a true poet. Romance at its best. I enjoyed this exquisite read.  Bravo! Love and peace ((~.~)) |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
~Flutterwings~ Thank you sincerely for your very kind and sweet words........ I am humbly thrilled that you have loved it.... Thank you dear..... ************************************* It's only me.......only me |
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Mishtheelf Member
since 2001-07-10
Posts 68 |
I love the way you wieved the story of where his attention was directed, and showed it closing off and centering on her as his obsession came to a head. I, for one, have felt this way before. Thanks for reminding me what it felt like. |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
~Mishtheelf~ I'm glad that I reminded you of such a time.... She is certainly lucky (the one to whom you felt this way) Thank you for enjoying it...... *************************** It's only me.......only me |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hello again, this poem reminds me of the stories of Jennie Logan, and of course "Somewhere in Time". This series is exquisite, and yes indeed you should make a site of your lovely poems. Sandra |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
Dearest Sandra...... You can't imagine how much I'm grateful that you have really enjoyed and loved my poem.... Thank you indeed for making me feel special.... I'll email you soooon.... {{{{hugs}}}} ***************************** |
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helen smith Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 240 |
........And all his words and poetry Stood on guard waiting.......My breath stood on guard waiting ....I just love this . |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
~Helen~ I'm glad you loved it..... Thank you for your nice comment ***************** |
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athena4 Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622 |
Melody, Breathtakingly beautiful... You have captured those rare and intense feelings that touch your soul, and define from one's heart the power of real love. Elise |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
You have made me smile gladly knowing that you loved it......"The power of love" ...... I have only tried to draw the vision of it....and how I fathom and wish it would be... Thank you for the lovely comment ************************* [This message has been edited by MyEnchanted_Melody (edited 07-30-2001).] |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
I don't know you, but so far you come through as the lightest pink in a rose petal, and the softest whisper of a breeze. So truly delicate and pretty are your words. Sincerely, Regina |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
~Regina~ Oh....dear......I really can't find words to thank you enough...... It really touched my heart to read your wonderful comment..... I am happy that you loved it..... Thank you from my *********************** |
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