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RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

0 posted 2001-07-30 08:28 AM

Half the family in the car,
the father and his twins,
fortunately the drive not far,
to the race he expected they'd win.

A five school charity affair,
he proudly took daughter and son,
it's real purpose, he didn't care,
he loved to watch them run.

The teachers had a daunting task,
aligning hundreds of kids,
his beaming face was sure no mask,
as a father, his own he outdid.

At starting gun the boys went first,
on a doubled back course through the woods,
his handsome son with sudden burst,
led the pack as he knew he should.

The gun again the girls went next,
his beautiful daughter outshined,
purposeful gait, under no pretext,
moved father to finishing line.

The first few boys came into sight,
his son not part of the view,
slight dismay, macho tongue bite,
disappointment for now he'd curfew.

Now a wave of the fleetest girls,
his daughter in front of them all,
she finishes first her limbs aswirl,
for this moment a Tigress Bengal.

The ride back home she got shotgun,
as the son sat silent in back,
exalting her and at him poked fun,
boy quiet, withstood the attack.

The next days news after school,
was about the races award,
the daughter got first which was cool,
but the other news struck a heart's chord.

A tear choked teacher at podium stood,
to announce a new medal created,
a little girl racer fell faint in the wood,
and one boy stayed with her and waited.

The father walked out to the yard,
to hide the tears on his face,
this little boy he teased so hard,
taught this tough guy the meaning of grace.

Dedicated to my son Richie

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-07-30 09:28 AM

you sure know how to hit a mommy right in the heart.....goodness.....what a wonderful son you have.

2dalimit
Member Elite

since 2000-02-08

Posts 2228
Mississippi coast

2 posted 2001-07-30 09:29 AM

Thanks for the wonderful story.

Melton

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2001-07-30 10:19 AM

wonderful story... and teaching grace...and learning grace..are lessons worth the struggles..

veru nicely told...

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

4 posted 2001-07-30 11:12 AM

That is great.
What a smart little boy.
This was a charming poem.
Good job!

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

5 posted 2001-07-30 11:21 AM

Yes, a wonderful story, absolutely!
It should be shared around the world.
I think some of the lines need some fine tuning, but I don't think I'm the one who might give good direction. Maybe if you posted it in the 'critiquing forum', see, I can't even recall the name of it, but you can find it on the Main Forum page, I think.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

6 posted 2001-07-30 12:21 PM

RSWells~
This one is a throat-lumper for sure.
Tears sprang to my eyes in the reading ...
as I'm sure you must have experienced in the recall.

Such lessons we learn from the magnitude of the hearts of youth~
Thank you so much for sharing ...
this one cuts straight to the heart.

*Way to go, Richie~
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
[email protected]

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

7 posted 2001-07-30 01:59 PM

I love the double entendre of the title. The story was very visual and the theme hit home. Lessons are everywhere to be learned when we're receptive to them.

-MVS

"When you tell the Truth, you never have to remember what you just said."
--Del Casher

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

8 posted 2001-07-30 03:05 PM

Thank you for your kind comments, this was written one year ago when I first started writing. I took a brief 6 month break when I allowed myself to get upset from flak at another website. I won't allow that to happen again and will admit I've alot of work to do. This should have been edited before putting it here but you get the drift. Thanks.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve"

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

9 posted 2001-07-30 10:05 PM

Well yanno I yanno you love that kid more than life itself, so I will simply say "Dad" this was a great poem for Ricky! A great poem!

Reel beauty is only fin deep!

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