a scene with little grace.

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allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

0 posted 2001-08-27 06:16 AM

Corny and bad i know... but felt like being a rhymey... sad person... with bad stanzas? argh well*

How come you’re always right,
When you say we should be friends?
But if I suggest we need a break,
Our friendship suddenly ends.

Why do you look that way at her?
When my eyes are fixed on you,
Don’t you miss holding my hand?
Have I been replaced by someone new?

Do I look as good with him?
Does he fill your unfillable place?
I can’t wait around for you,
That’s a scene with little grace.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

1 posted 2001-08-27 05:14 PM

I don't think that this is corny at all
it's your expression of the situation
saying it's corny means, saying what you feel is too
You've done good, keep it up
thanks for the read

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

2 posted 2001-08-27 09:38 PM

naw its not corny its very good

Only darkness falls on those without souls

Delirious_Smurf
Member

since 2001-08-08

Posts 90
Nothingness,P.R.

3 posted 2001-08-27 10:15 PM

It's not corny at all

I liked it very much.
I can get the idea of what's going on and it is a crappy situation but not a crappy poem

Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2001-08-27 10:38 PM

corny like tin beef?....nope!

this is a really nice little piece i enjoyed reading it very much thanks..

Piece you life together and you WILL find holes.

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

5 posted 2001-08-28 07:42 AM

Thankyou everyone...

You're all too nice, i think this is actually a corny feeling... i've really got to get over him lol...

But thankz for the replies, im having trouble writing recently

but still you guys are all very encouraging! lol

thankz,

ALLIE

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-08-28 10:57 AM

You're very welcome....anytime

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma

Crash&Burn
Member

since 2001-01-18

Posts 119

7 posted 2001-08-28 07:16 PM

lol yes maybe corny but I thought it was sweet

I see the darkness coming all is bleak...

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

8 posted 2001-09-02 12:57 PM

HeHe, I liked this. Crappy situation indeed- sorry about that. Loved the last line here.

Thanks for the read, as always, well done.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

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