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Teen Poetry #5
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Love's Lingo (revised slightly)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Love's Lingo (revised slightly) |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia 
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Love's Lingo What sets me apart is sway of hips And salty air surrounding reddened lips I'd like to drink in her rich language between sips And lazily mouthing her elliptical scythe name As I drink her in (carefree) of the game Slower without pause I find her hands Drawing for me letters and words of different lands Soon for me to understand what she understands With lines I spoke borrowed from harlequinn's journal Ripe now for infectious seed or kernel A single movements love of life records Unable to break through, words are words; types of swords Ill suited for the slaying of forgotten hearts Once consumed by the fire she starts ----------------- Not a big differnce i know  I got a lot of work done on my trip "and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings [This message has been edited by fozzyozzy (edited 08-12-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This shouldn't have gotten to the third page without a reply. There is too much posting and not enough replying. I really liked this poem. The first stanza really caught my attention. There's just something about it that I really liked. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I really liked this one. Great job. I didn't read it before it was revised, but I like it.  Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by. |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
WOW.. that... uh, bleh! I love it!! Excellent, Fozzy! This one is going into my library where it belongs.. keep up the great work Sarah *love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.* |
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pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
oh my gosh...i never read your first one...but this is amazing, so i'm sure whatever alterations you made, they are for the better. this is incredible, and i don't really throw out compliments very much...dang! me |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I found this to be really good except when it hit the last stanza. You had a fantastic rhyme scheme and flow happening, then in came this stanza missing a line and not at all like the rest. The imagery, yes it was good but that doesn't mean a thing then you start out with a format that you don't carry through with. I'd advise that you have another look at this. It was good but it has the potential to be great. ~AF~ I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout. *toot toot* |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Like you said not a big difference. This is still a well written poem. Nicely done. --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Nice poem I loved it keep up the awsome wrok! LAuren |
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