As he lies on the ground(teen 3) revised

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Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

0 posted 2001-08-12 08:16 PM

here is the revised version on a poem i wrote at the begining of my time at pip, when everythikng wasnt complicated and it was a smaller world.

As he lies on the ground
with a bullet gone through
his once beautiful head
She cries heart wrenching sobs
they were to die in each others
arms, together
recreating a modern day
Romeo and his Juliet
They were deep in love
they vowed to do anything
for the other or together
She wanted to die, he wanted to die
it was decided
As the bullet left the chamber of the gun
She changed her mind
the days dron on, she walks in pain
in sorrow
for her Romeo is dead
her guilt rages in her body for all the
time to come
her short auburn hair blowing wildly
against her cheeks
the lowered his body
into the grave
she ran forward and dropped two roses
entwined together
one white, one black
She spoke the words that meant so much
"I love you, my dearest Romeo"
her fingers rubbed against the ring
on her wedding finger
while she remembered with a smile
all the happy moments of utter bliss
they spent together......

Regina L.

If you only understood my pain then maybe you could learn to be my friend. Be there. My crying shoulder. The smiles. And the caring i need to survive.

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

1 posted 2001-08-12 08:34 PM

this is really good... dark but still really good. I like dark anyway

Life is an open book with many unwritten pages, write something that's meaningful to you there.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-08-14 12:27 PM

Oh wow, Regi... this is awesome. Very dark indeed. But the whole modern day Romeo and Juliet theme was creative... I really enjoyed this one. The beginning was kind of gruesome, heh, but it fit well with the poem. Nicely done.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

3 posted 2001-08-14 12:32 PM

deep very deep, nice piece of darkness

Only darkness falls on those without souls

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

4 posted 2001-08-14 12:46 PM

I think I remember this one Regina. I like it alot. Teen #3, those were the days.NEways, I still like the poem. Talk to you later.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-08-24 11:19 PM

C'est tres bien mon amur! hehe
Anyway, I thought you did well here. I mean hey, I read it before...hehe.
Nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

6 posted 2001-08-25 03:00 PM

I really liked this. Is it based on a personal experience? If it is, I know that must have been hard to go through. I wasnt here back in the dark ages of Teen #3, so I'm glad you reposted this. It was great!

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-09-03 08:15 PM

This is nicely done as like your other works Ina. You've been very good in writing lately and I'd love to see it keep going. So, keep writing and keep sharing. Thanks for sharing this one.

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

8 posted 2001-09-03 10:57 PM

nicely done. How kind of you to dig up an old relic of primitive PIP. Thanks

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

9 posted 2001-09-03 11:19 PM

wow

!~Andrea~!
*You only live once, so live it to the
fullest*
*what is love?*
*If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to l

[This message has been edited by Read_what_i_write (edited 09-03-2001).]

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

10 posted 2001-09-07 02:33 PM

Aww this is so sad...

It would be horrible to have this happen to a person. The one person you truly love die and you don't have the nerve to go through with it yourself. Wow...damn this is really sad.

I enjoyed this. Thanks for posting.

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

11 posted 2001-09-11 05:55 PM

*deep sigh* this poem really got to me...

~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~
~*~I say it is the written word.~*~

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