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chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-08-08 09:16 PM

I Clipped Your Wings

I fell
Into a blissful slumber
Full of cotton clouds
And silver bells
And the scent of roses in the air.
I wandered through the silky mist
As light ran tiptoed on the clouds ahead
Leading me to the edge of the world.
And that's where I met you.
I, only a human
And you, an angel
Surrounded by a world beyond my dreams.
You were there
Wrapped in a transleucent veil
Of ivory skin and silken cloth
And magestic wings of power
With feathers as soft as nothing I could ever
Imagine.
I was lost, only to be found by you.
And so, I clipped your wings
To prove when I awoke
That you were really there.
Then, you vanished
Before I could utter a word of apology
And I was left alone.
The light fled
And I fell
Back to the world I knew
And I awoke.
Beside me lay three perfect feathers
As soft as I could never imagine
Against the cotton canvas of my pillow.
And as I rose
I noticed
A pair of sissors
And a pile of feathers
Beside an open pillow.

=====
More free-verse. I've been having trouble rhyming lately...

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2001-08-08 10:12 PM

I feel honored to be the first replying to this beautiful piece. I LOVED the way you opened and closed the poem. The imagery throughout this is wonderful. Keep free-versing, Leah. I'm loving it.
"And as I rose
I noticed
A pair of sissors
And a pile of feathers
Beside an open pillow."

Love it, love it, love it!!! Beautiful work. Keep em coming.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-08-09 12:39 PM

I really hate you, Leah. You are an awesome poet and I'm jealous. LMAO.
This was nothing short of terrific! You wrote an excellent free- verse. The imagery was incredible!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

3 posted 2001-08-09 01:17 AM

omg girl do you give lessons on how to write like that?it was awesome!
robin

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-08-09 01:31 AM

Woah, big twist at the end. I really liked this poem. Awesome job. These new pieces are just rocking here. Great job!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

5 posted 2001-08-09 05:01 AM

WOW!!

marie stole my fav lines... lol

I really liked that ending a lot...

The whole thing was so sweet... yet sad really rocked

ALLIE

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-08-09 01:37 PM

This started out very nicely, Leah. I enjoyed the way that it was written and everything. However I felt that the ending was incredibly cheesy somehow. You shouldn't have taken it in that direction "when I awoke I found scissors and a whole bunch of feathers everywhere! wow it really happened." That sort of spoiled the surreal mood set by the poem for me.
However the technique in which you wrote this free verse is nothing to be ashamed of. Very original.
Looking forward to more.
Yours,
Allan

Blood Moon
Host: lark.crodo.com
Port: 1313

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-09-06 04:52 PM

wOW!...LOVEd this poem...beginning to the end...pure awesomlious!..

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 09-06-2001).]

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

8 posted 2001-09-07 09:47 AM

"You were there
Wrapped in a transleucent veil
Of ivory skin and silken cloth
And magestic wings of power
With feathers as soft as nothing I could ever
Imagine."

What can I say? It's beautiful. You have set a wonderful scene in this piece and the free verse compliments the theme very well. I personally don't think that rhyming would have done this piece justice. Keeping it open and flowing like this makes you take it in a bit more.

Once again you've wowed me to extremes and I am very proud to say that are a MUFFIN!!

Great job. Keep it up.

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

9 posted 2001-09-07 10:17 AM

First off I think the title of this poem was absolutely perfect!! What an amazing talent you have with your poetry, i truely do admire the way you write so free and beautiful...i absolutely loved this poem as i do with the rest of the ones you've written..you've truely out done yourself!

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