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Faded
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Faded |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time 
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Fading barn on a sad gray hill, Weeps in silence as all is still. Cowering sun and bold faced clouds, Hidden ‘neath mystic shrouds. The barns red paint corrodes away, The barn dies more each passing day. The doors swing open and all is seen, The other side a faded green. A dismal place of sickly heat, Raw wrists in shackles, hot coals on feet. More to this barn than just it’s whole, A gateway to the darkest soul. The evil within’s been there since birth, Uncontrolled it shakes the earth. Fingers from the sky reaching for the ground, THUNDER! LIGHTENING! FRIGHTENING! sound. Epitome of all that’s lost, Why oh God this costly cost?! " How can i feel if i can't breathe...?" |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michael Lentini - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
You had some nice imagery here...I could see the barn very clearly in my mind. The flow was great, as it is in most of your poems. Not much more to say (just had dinner and all i can think about is foooood...) other than good job! Can't wait for your next piece! -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Very gripping. I liked it. The imagery, the description was incredible! This was very different. I read over it a few times and liked it more each time. Very nice! You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Awesome poem, but I felt that the flow was off in certain areas. Regardless of any of the technical stuff the poem rocked completely.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
very good i liked it. robin i don't give up without a fight so boys beware! |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Awesome! The flow is perfect and you painted a vivid picture, kept me waiting for that explosive end! Great poem!  |
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