navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » Improve Poetry
Teen Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic Improve Poetry Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Hardkore
Junior Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 33
San DIego, California

0 posted 2001-08-06 12:34 PM


Are you there, I've come to say something
We have come to a decesion for you
And think it's best that you get some help
Everyone see's the chains wraped around your throat
Draining your soul, and stealing your voice
Your hands are too weak, and oh so cold
So you must let us in
For we are strong and know what's best

© Copyright 2001 Garrett Megaw - All Rights Reserved
anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
1 posted 2001-08-06 04:20 AM


You know what's best? How can you possible know what is best for this person? You obviously don't have the chain around your throat yourself yet you say that it is time for them to get help? A person will only be helped when THEY want it.
I'm sorry but this piece has made me furious. It is nothing personal against you but people like the person in this situation infuriate me to such a degree I could scream!
I'll stop there. Sorry for venting. Thanks for sharing and all.

~AF~

"Why not light the candle in the dark tunnel while we head for the light at the end?" - Anonymous Albert to anonymousfemale


keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
2 posted 2001-08-06 03:55 PM


I agree with AF! I have been having problems with people like this in my life. It's my life to screw up, let me do it! My response to this way of believing comes from a new Eminem song:
"Stickin' their noses in ____ that isn't none of their business, I never asked, cared, gave a ____ or wanted opinions"
The poem is powerful, I just don't agree with it's message.
Jon



"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

[This message has been edited by keoni (edited 08-06-2001).]

Hardkore
Junior Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 33
San DIego, California
3 posted 2001-08-06 04:03 PM


Sorry i made people mad I wrote this in two seconds and I was talking to myself in it, it wasn't me narraratiing

Passion fuels my love
Passion becomes consumed by my love
Without my love I become passionless


keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
4 posted 2001-08-06 05:03 PM


I don't think you made anyone mad, I wasn't mad. I just don't agree with that way of thinking.Don't ever apologize for your work. Poetry is a form of expression, and last time I checked, the constitution still allows it. Don't ever hesitate to post anything, although it may not be agreed with, we still enjoy it for the poetic quality. Sorry to sound like an ass
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-08-08 01:00 AM


I thought you did fine on this, but it really didn't connect with me like some of your past work has. Anyhow, I look forward to more.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
6 posted 2001-08-08 02:04 AM


"Everyone see's the chains wraped around your throat
Draining your soul, and stealing your voice"
I loved those two lines... very well written poem, here.  Strong words.  Sometimes the hardest decision is the one of whether to cross the line of trust when a friend is in trouble.  Very hard thing to do... I hope all is well   I enjoyed this one!  Keep posting all your work.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

punkrockerrobin
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
7 posted 2001-08-08 03:09 AM


girl you need someone to talk to you can always email me. ok!
robin

i don't give up without a fight so boys beware!

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » Improve Poetry

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary