A sombre soul (repost from....dum da duuuum Teen#2!)

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anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

0 posted 2001-08-02 11:00 AM

This is a repost from Teen #2. I added a few bits so it's been revised.

A sombre soul

My solitude is building,
Into a ball of emotions.
Deeper, darker each motion churns
And halts the line of defence.
I seep further into my mist,
Of callous memories and pain.
Where stargazers hold the rifle
And the moon pulls the trigger.

The shadows that stretch upon the walls,
Conceal my wounded body.
Each rip signifying a stretch of road
Long travelled and death splattered.
My mind is in tatters,
And my heart is shredded into tiny pieces.
Who will listen to the girl in blue
While the ocean steals the limelight in the back?

I am a despondent soul,
lying in the sun with a bloody martini.
An urn full of anguish.
In a mansion of perfection and innocence.
The futile days halt my pursuit,
Send up a flare and kill the keeper
Of ever being a real person
In this world where no reason is observed.

All that remains of me
Are the scars shooting up my spine
The eyes of once a great individual.
That died in the pursuit of happiness.
I am now a horrific creature,
Hiding in the shadows sucking dry
The ghastly faces of humanity
That prey on the suffering of others.

My gloomy eyes cast darkness,
Over the meaningful lives of others.
Destroying their chances of delight
While I die in my sleep.
My mortality has been stripped
Now wandering the fields of the earth
Is my only relief from crying the night away.
I am the sombre soul.

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

1 posted 2001-08-02 11:08 AM

This was great, I really liked the darkish/erie mood.

I am a despondent soul,
lying in the sun with a bloody martini.

I really like that line

, where I live there is a bar that makes Bloody Martini's and they are very tasty! Good job, till your next.

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
~Steven Wright

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-08-03 05:22 PM

Very well done Liz. Quite dark, but hey it's still a good poem and I did fully enjoy it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2001-08-03 05:32 PM

YOU OLDY MOLDY! TEEN #2?! Impothible...

WOW EJ!

That was tastefully done. Fried to perfection, tender, yet suffient. (I'm hungry, can you tell?)
You imagery here was awesome!

"Where stargazers hold the rifle
And the moon pulls the trigger."

Those were my favorite lines in the entire piece. I enjoyed the dark mood throughout. The flow was great as well...BEHOLD THE LIBRARY! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

Oh dear...too much steak for Leah...

Until next time...

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-08-03 05:51 PM

*sitting in mars...replying*..wOW...i loved this piece!...amazing, eJ...such dark emotions...im exactly going through..."a sombre soul"...you say?..i too, am one.

"The eyes of once a great individual.
That died in the pursuit of happiness."

that hit me a liitle more...as all have been related to the mintue i was reading it.

"if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take" - when thugs cry-

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

5 posted 2001-08-03 06:41 PM

Lizzy that was great...so much emotion *hugs*
I loved it.

Jenn

"Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-08-04 07:15 PM

Another one for the library, me thinks

I really liked this, Liz! An excellent display of your talent. Beautiful writing... beautiful words... just beautiful!

I really liked this.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

7 posted 2001-09-14 01:48 PM

Aaron - Thanks for the comment. The dark eerie mood is much easier to work with than happiness.

Javi - Dark...*steals the light* now everything is dark....

Leah - Hey! I'm not old.

I'm happy that you thought of it good enough to add to your library. BTW, you had me in hysterics AGAIN with your reply.

Albertia - I could understand why you'd connect with this. Upon reading it again, it seems to come forth even more, eh?

Jenn - *hugs* thank you very much.

Marie - Thank you for the compliment and for thinking highly of it enough to add to your library.

Thanks everyone. Keep smiling!!

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

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