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Teen Poetry #5
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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180
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when I see you I turn around hit the ground honestly I want you but I feel like I taunt you everday without hurts still I shut all my doors wont let you too close vulnerable I am afraid we'll be hurt -once again- I need to be sure need to know not suspect ..what's next? when you speak my name everyone else sounds lame I want to lay in your bed live in your head I can't can't we wouldn't make it it's prices too high to pay could you take it? don't want it to be that way If we get together well one day it's goodbye I can't see you cry when the reason is me don't know if I'd survive to be hurt by thee do you see why this is buggin me? turn around - hit the ground can't look into your eyes please..let me be please..don't you see what you do to me? leave me alone here with my broken crown time will heal a broken heart we may be better off apart ---- well. the ryhme is weird. a result of my terrible english I guess... :-/ but it's just how I feel. ------ I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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| © Copyright 2001 zarina - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Actually Zarina- there is something about the rhyme that I'm enjoying. It's fresh. I liked it. The last line was a bit of a reality check for me, personally. "We may be better off apart." I'll have to think on that one now. But anyway, back to the poem. I liked this alot. One of my more favored of yours. I really enjoyed it. Glad to see a post from you. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I think I may add this one to the Library. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
I agree with Spice: the rhmye wasn't weird at all. It was quite good.  The flow was nice here! Keep up the good work! -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
both of you: thanks. the ryhme is kind of simple.. I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this one a lot. Great job Zarina!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
"If we get together well one day it's goodbye I can't see you cry when the reason is me don't know if I'd survive" "leave me alone here with my broken crown time will heal a broken heart we may be better off apart" lot of emotions...nice poem, Carina. [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 08-03-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is very good, Carina! Lots of emotions... Nicely done! I enjoyed this. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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