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katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

0 posted 2001-07-29 12:17 PM

You drag me in and spit me out
then continualy plage my mind
hide in my fear.
Only out of vulnerability did
I ever let you near.

For the pain you brought,
wasn't worth one lousy kiss.
For the taste you left,
wasn't worth all this.

For me you walked
in and out again.
I should be glad
but now
you just
.
slip
.
.
in and out
.
.
.
of my reality.

If my eyes ever found yours again
if I new it was you
I'd keep on going forever
deneing your exsistance.

All you left me with was

embrassament

experience

and

regret.

A wirl of emotions my mind spins
for just three days latter
after

your rain of

terror.

I venture out on a different kind of terror....

This time I'm not alone
it just feels that way.......

"by takeing no risks you are really risking everything"
Vic's RE book

[This message has been edited by katherine (edited 07-29-2001).]

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-07-29 12:59 PM

Katie- you have some MAJOR spelling errors in here. It really took away from the piece. Ya need to fix that fast.
OTHER THAN THAT... The poem was filled with anger and hate. Such bitter feelings. I loved it. hehe. I could relate 100%- Iknew exactly how you felt and where you were coming from. I like this so much. A library piece for me- just remember to get those spelling errors corrected.

MoeRocko
Member

since 2001-04-25

Posts 166
West Virginia

2 posted 2001-07-29 01:54 AM

*deals with your spelling* Bad! don't bring out negativity.. I doubt you would like it. But I thought it was GREAT! keep writing... screw the people who don't like your spelling...the more the merrier

"Nothing will stop me, and whether I'm here or wherever I may be, I'll always have the same feelings, I'll say what I feel." ~Lennon

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-07-29 12:56 PM

Katherine, you put a critique message and people will obviously realize a bit of spelling errors, and I think we all have the right to exercise that and say it within our message. I'd just like to point out that "rain" should have been "reign".
Anyhow, besides the spelling errors, which really didn't take away much for me, I thought the poem was awesome. I really liked it. I hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

4 posted 2001-07-30 06:23 PM

i really like the staggered way that you wrote this. very creative. good job. thanks for sharing

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-08-04 01:56 PM

This was awesome, Katherine. I LOVED the structure of the poem, and the way you portrayed your feelings were excellent! VERY nice work. I connected with this piece a lot, and I can't wait to see more.. soon.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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