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Teen Poetry #5
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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Fits |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Rock the house Time to douse The flames that char the stage. Fists a’swingin Feet a’kickin Flesh a’rakin Hearts a’breakin Fits of fear Wrack the mind Muscles bind Ears can no longer hear. Mouths a’screamin Eyes a’burnin Tears a’fallin Fists a’ballin Fits of peace Wash us clean Tears unseen Pushing us to release. Lies a’failin Lips a’brushin Trust a’darin To just start tearin. "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." - Shakespeare [This message has been edited by Kosetsu (edited 07-21-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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a.k.a.maLa Junior Member
since 2001-06-08
Posts 15Florida, USA |
Keep in mind that any poetry that shows emotion is good poetry. I suppose you'd have to understand your local colour to get that. In any event, you have a lot of potential. It reminds me of a country-western song or something. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Bringin the Southern talk in that one I see. I liked this- Not my fav of yours- but I liked it. |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Yup, gotta have that Southern pride. -Kosetsu "Just stay away, get away, so far away that you're never gonna see me. You don't wanna face the reality, that you'll never be nothin' more, nothin' le |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Go the southerner pride!!  I really like this one. It's got a really funky feel to it. The way you repeated the a'whatever bits was really mad. Thanks for the read. It was quite enjoyable.  ~AF~ Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. |
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Starnite Junior Member
since 2001-07-05
Posts 41Wisconsin |
You have Southern pride. I will give you that. It was good. I liked the repeating of your anger. **Sarah  |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this. Thought it was creatively written. I liked the Southern touch. Great job.... I had trouble with the words "fits" and "fists" together.....geesh.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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DarkenedShadow Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114Kansas |
Wow I can't belive I missed this one, I know I never will anymore. I liked the whole scene this played in my mind, excellent. /Nick/ |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This was very nice. I especially liked the last line, it was very neat in its originality. Nicely done! I need more time to find the real me... |
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