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Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

0 posted 2001-06-26 09:44 PM

There once was a girl I knew who suffered much pain
So she sat night after night in the puring down rain.
The pain came to a point where she didn't know why
She laughed at herself if she started to cry.
'I'm only one person' she thought as she tested the knife
'No one will care if I take my own life'.
She didn't care about all she would miss
Graduation, her wedding, especially her first kiss.
She though of her best friend, her parents... this guy
'One more day' she said, 'So I can just say goodbye'.
So she returned the knife to its place in the drawer
Tears streamed down her face as she sank to the floor.
She went to school the next day hiding her feelings
At lunch in the bathroom her friend found her kneeling.
Eyes closed in prayer, head in her hands
Preparing to die listening to her favorite band.
The painwas too much; she couldn't take it anymore
'What' she asked her friend, 'is this life really for?'
Her friend didn't know but what she said when she spoke
helped her; like a butterfly from a cocoon her spirit awoke.
And that night when she found herself at the same place
She looked into a mirror and saw not just a face.
A soul, she saw, with millions of colors
Less concern for herself, now more for others.
She saw her own sadness, saw a way past her pain
Had a glimpse of the coffin in which she would have lain.
It was thenthat she knew what she needed to do
She phoned up her friend and said simply 'thank you'.

~~This is NOT about me, and it's not really about someone I knew, so... I just wanted to tell you that it wasn't about me so that I wouldn't get replies telling me it'll be all right.

Rhonda

"Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardiel *insert hysterical laughter from me here*

[This message has been edited by Skyfire (edited 06-26-2001).]

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

1 posted 2001-06-26 10:39 PM

*sniffles* this is really great. I like the style and it is really sad and happy at the same time.

~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~
~*~I say it is the written word.~*~

[This message has been edited by FoxXena (edited 06-26-2001).]

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-06-26 10:44 PM

This was awesome! The message is great... something I think might help some people in one way or another. Excellent rhyme scheme... the length of the lines were perfect, and the meter was overall well done. Nice work! My favorite part was, "like a butterfly from a cocoon her spirit awoke." I really like the image that portrays... well done!

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

3 posted 2001-06-26 11:43 PM

i liked this a lot

one morning you wake up afraid you are going to live

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-06-27 02:25 AM

I liked thisone a lot. Nicely done here.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

5 posted 2001-06-27 06:05 PM

This was great. The rhyme, the story, everything. Keep it up, and I am glad your friend is OK.

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-06-28 11:48 AM

You've narrated this poem really good. I'm glad she realized that there are other points of view to our lives. By us looking at the good and not being selfish and just looking at the bad things about ourselves, we realize that there is definitely more to appreciate in life. Thanks for sharing

hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

7 posted 2001-06-29 06:51 AM

Rhonda, this is by far my very favourite piece from you. You have brilliantly written about the bitter troubles of someone who is suicidal and their way past it.

Very well done here. You should be extremely proud.

~AF~

Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!!

[This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 06-29-2001).]

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

8 posted 2001-07-01 10:22 AM

this is a great poem. I really enjoyed it... I love it!!

keep it up!

-->Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
-->Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

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