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Teen Poetry #5
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Lost Crown. ( Look! A title! haha)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Lost Crown. ( Look! A title! haha) |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. 
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It's been awhile since I've posted a poem... You'll see why.  hehe. I'm not satisfied with it at all... It has a weak ending and probably could have been done a hell of alot better. And of course- Suprise Suprise, another free verse. But Oh well...Here it is anyway.Perfect little Miss Homecoming Queen has lost her crown. She's lost and confused. How is she to handle this new world? Everything is so cold and bitter. Nothing at all what she's used to. Her world no longer rests neatly on a silver platter. And try as she might.... there is nothing she can do to change that. Now everywhere she turns is sorrows and disappointments. She's terrified. So all alone. Her only companion is tears. They stain her face daily. Her mind is being held captive to dark thoughts and sad memories. This new world is slowly killing her. That pretty picture-perfect smile is begnning to fade. She tries screaming for help- but her lips won't move. She tries reaching for a hand, any hand , but her arms refuse to budge. And all the while she is dying... She misses her old life. She misses her old self... "Why me?" she asks. How is it that no one sees her suffering? Can't they see she needs help? It's impossible for her to do this alone. Yet she keeps searching... Searching for her Polly Anna world... Refusing to admit to herself that it's lost forever... Ya...again...BLAH to this. Buh bye.  [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 07-18-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jessica L. Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
Jesa!  ...this was amazing...the meaning was wowish...i personally thought this poem was breath-taking..i loved it...i relate..too much for words to say...cuz i have written on the similar topic in prose or poem...but...this hit home for me...so much behind this..  ...heheh...bye [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-16-2001).] |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
I agree with albert this was awesome! It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
What an interesting poem...i enjoyed this. Keep em coming! |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
*is blown away* SPICE!!..this is awesome!!!!..i loved everybit of it...*click* and its in my library too  ....the ending is GREAT so dont think that it lost its touch at the end cuz its really good agpfagp!!!!!!!!!!! |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
This is the first poem of yours that I've read.. It's really great! I am always myself. Isn't that enough for you? |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a very interesting poem, Jess! I really enjoyed this. The way you addressed her problems, and made them seem almost discreet... wow, this is a very well written poem. I don't know why you're not pleased with it. The use of HTML you have in there is also nicely used. Wonderfully done! I look forward to reading more.. soon, I hope Well done!--Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning... |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
*blown away like a midget by a hurricane* AWESOME! Jessica, whether you'd like to admit it or not, your poems are so very powerful. You write with such purity, and I just love it. I think you are a wonderful writer. Great poem, as usual.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Jesa, you need to come over here for a moment. Sit down next to EJ. *wets you with a garden hose* Weak ending? NO! You could have done better? THIS IS REALLY AWESOME! It's a realistic poem which is why it gets two  out of the possible 2. Seriously now, the pauses worked with it really well as the dramatic effect and all that enhanced it marvelously. You should be proud of this, Jesa because it's great. Definitely going into the library. ~AF~ Psychopathic chickens are plotting against me... |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I think this one was awesome. Seriously. The ending declined a little bit, in my mind. But the whole thing was so powerful. I am very impressed by this one. Excellent job. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
I know insecurity is safe But take pride in your writing its not for others anyway...just for you and if others identify with it than good this is anything but a blah poem be proud of it |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
Hey I thought this was great. It was pretty damn good in my opinon and I thought you did a marvelous job. Thanks for sharing and I am looking forward till the next poem you share with us! ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I saw a few people doing this and I liked the idea. I thought it showed appreciation extremely well. So Here I go- Giving personalized Thanks to you all. Lonewolf, SugarHigh, Zarina, & Nikki- Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you guys liked it. Albert- I'd love to see your poem. Glad I could write something you could relate to. thanks for the smooch. HaHa Marie- I'm glad you thought this was good. Thanks for the nice words about the HTML junk- I wasn't so sure about it myself. So ya, thanks bunches. Cherish & Dopes- Don't blow away! Come back!  It means alot to me that the 2 of you enjoyed it. Library piece? I'd hardly think so Cherish- but I'm still flattered. And Javi- I'm flattered that you think of me as a great writer. E.J.- That was just cruel! You lil pervert- stop trying ot look at me in a wet T-Shirt. HaHaHa  I'm delighted you thought it deserved two thumbsup. Keoni- Your honesty is MUCH appreciated. I agree with you- I too thought it declined at the end. Grrr... Wish I could fix the blasted thing. But seriously- I appreciate the positive criticism. Kevin- I'm trying really hard to take a bit more pride in my poetry. Though I don't consider it poetry at all. Ya know? I feel a bit like a poser. I'm completely new to this... I'm working on it though. Thanks for the encouragement. [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 07-20-2001).] |
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Punk Angel Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 66Pennsylvania, US |
this is a great peom, very deep, u need to give urself more credit then that!!u had a strong ending i thought! this is the second poem of urs i read, but they both seem depressed and angry. ill look for more of ur poetry,if ur depressed and angry ones are like this one, imangine what the bright and cheery ones are like!! we love what is lost, but does what we lost love us back?? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
beautiful narration of a life changed though unaccepted. you write well Jesa keep it up hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
"Why me?" she asks. How is it that no one sees her suffering? Can't they see she needs help? It's impossible for her to do this alone. It IS impossible for most people to take on the world alone, much less when it changes for the worst, at least in my experience, but if you look hard enough and trust people, there will be plenty willing to help. I recently learned that. And the ending was fine, in my oppinion, no real problem. I liked this poem alot! Hmmm.... I really DO tend to ramble! Whadayaknow? Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually). [This message has been edited by HopelessRomanticGuy (edited 08-24-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Something I realize about you is that you write in 3rd person a lot....maybe to camoflauge the fact that the poem might be about you....well done tho...just an addition to the previous post. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Actually, in all honesty, thats exactly why I do it. You just ruined my cover...  You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 08-26-2001).] |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Well honestly, it's quite obvious that the poem is abut someone you really know so well which is you. hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
ohh!! i liked this a lot too! great job! You know you 've completely descended into madness when the matter of shampoo has ascended to philosophical heights |
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SunShine913
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC |
well this the first time i have read your writings and so far i love it .. keep it up .. so sweet! *You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun! |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
I dunno what you were worried about...? I thought it all fit together very nicely and the ending wasn't weak, but fitting..cool piece " How can i feel if i can't breathe...?" |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
woa... i liked this... definately lost her crown... infact the crown image and that of the "unmoving girl" were very differnt and i liked this... G'Work ALLIE |
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