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Teen Poetry #5

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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-08-30 10:11 PM

This is another rhyming not metaphorical type poems, just bummed.

sleeping soundly
in my dreams
a picture of you
as it seems

listful beings
swirl 'round
hearing my ears
the ringing sound

sensual voice
held by you
cantering feelings
ever so true

scared to tell
as i toss and turn
scared to tell
go to school to learn

can't you see
the feelings i have
are no more than
the little drab

that i have given
off all week
if i could only
see what i seek

<3 No guy is worth your tears, and when you find one that is, he won't make you cry <3

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2002-08-31 12:44 PM

"scared to tell
as i toss and turn
scared to tell
go to school to learn"

I still remember feeling that way, though for me it was many moons ago. Well done, Riley. I like the heartfelt honesty you project.

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

2 posted 2002-08-31 05:18 AM

I wasn't going to reply to this because of the PLEASE READ you had plastered to the subject line but anyway...

I didn't like it. The rhyme was forced and lacked strength.

Please don't put such desperate signs on your work for people to look at. It takes away from the piece. If people want to read it, they will. If they wont, they wont.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2002-08-31 02:29 PM

Thank you for replying.....as I said this is not one of my better works and it is not as metaphorical as I usually write. I am feeling really desperate right now for anything, it's just overwhelming. Anyways, thanks

Ri

<3 No guy is worth your tears, and when you find one that is, he won't make you cry <3

TradingSpaces19
Member

since 2002-08-31

Posts 134
Arvada, Colorado

4 posted 2002-09-01 05:23 PM

This poem is good, it is very well written, keep up the good work.

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." -Bach

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