Teen Poetry #5 |
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Dodging Holes |
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Child of the Stars![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI ![]() |
Saving daisies, craving larkspur, I alone was yellow once-- Forty miles beneath the garden It's been days since I've been down. Starving mindflow to its stretches, I alone was destined once-- Trimmed desire and painted hedges with the ruby lines of lust. In their fleeting, fearing travels holes are only careless once; after cleansing dusted edges, they'll light afterthoughts of love. (Merry hearts cannot escape without a passenger or box) Saved the larkspur, left the daisies on a flight I'd traveled once. Now I run--will something freer find its feet within the dusk? "Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." |
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© Copyright 2002 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kevin![]()
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
I liked it! jk lol hi I'm kinda slow sometimes so I had to read this three times, and look up a few words ![]() but when I was done I think I understood it ![]() Starving mindflow moved me I've so been there No slaughter this time Looking foreward to your next bye |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
This was very beautifully written. I'll admit i had to read it twice through to make sure i got the message (you're just too advanced for my minute intellect!) but I'm glad i took the time to look at this one mroe closely. Very well done - am anticipating ur next post! K The day you were born, you were born free |
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Jenn Cirrincione![]() ![]()
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Oh, Carly, I hate you. ![]() I never get your poetry, it makes me feel so stupid every time I read it...lol ![]() I think you rock girly, and even tho I never quite get your work- I like it anyway. ![]() Nice seeing you again Jenn Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
"Starving mindflow to its stretches, I alone was destined once-- Trimmed desire and painted hedges with the ruby lines of lust." Nothin' to slaughter, babe. You don't mind that do you? I call everyone babe. Wow, I don't even know you though. Anywho.. hmm.. where was I? Oh yes, "I liked it". ![]() "if you know me so well then tell me which hand do I use?" Tori Amos [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (08-02-2002 09:32 PM).] |
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Child of the Stars![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Kevin - Why must you tease me so? ![]() Kandi - A closer look is all I ask for. Thank you for reading my mind. ![]() Jenn - Ohhh hi. ![]() ![]() DE - Thank you...your reply is of great value to me. I love your poetry...As for the babe thing, it's fine. Makes me feel speshul (even though I'm one of many). Thanks again you guys. You keep me going. ![]() ~Carly "Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." |
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Marshalzu![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow, as usual your work is astoundingly beautiful, I just loved reading every single word, I look forward to reading more of your work soon ![]() "If you are afraid of wolves, stay out of the woods" |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Very nice! Enjoyed your unique voice! I really liked the way the second stanza sounded. It flowed great. Hope to read more. ![]() |
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lil_diabla New Member
since 2002-08-07
Posts 6Alabama, United States |
that is a nice poem |
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Alicia Member
since 2002-03-22
Posts 279 |
~Your title drew me in. The work itself has held me here. Enjoying this voice. *Peace. |
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Local Parasite![]()
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I definitely think this is one of your best achievements since I've seen you start writing. You obviously are starting to find what magic had faded from your earlier works. It's good to see you picking up the pieces again, and writing poetry that has substance to it. This was a very entertaining read with perfect flow and good structure. Nicely composed, Carly Anne. Parasite [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (08-09-2002 09:26 PM).] |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
Amazing. Simply amazing. Your stanzas read so very well and the cuplet was definitely a great idea to throw in there. It completely slows the pace of the piece down and make you take a breath only to be thrust into the final stanza. Loved the repetition and the overall meaning. Thank you for posting this and sharing it. Much enjoyed. ![]() ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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