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Teen Poetry #5

Lonliness

*~p.r.i.n.c.e.s.s.~*
Junior Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 38

0 posted 2002-07-28 04:19 PM

**Lonliness**

outside the smile is plastered
inside i ache with pain
but not a single tear is shed
for i have myself to blame.

as i sit here in the darkness
pitying myself
others are out there being loved
which is something i have never felt.

anytime i have come close,
i cahse then all away
and i am left alone again
and thats how i'm destined to stay....

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-07-28 05:53 PM

This seems unfinished. You trailed off at the end... is there more to be said yet? Or is that the point of it, that your feelings hit a cliff, and there's nothing more that the poem can say?

Rendering your poem powerless... is a good communicative method. Interesting.

Parasite

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

2 posted 2002-07-28 10:07 PM

I enjoyed this poem. And I also noticed that it seemed unfinished but I think that's why I liked it. Great poem!

*~erin~*

"Little holes in parachutes won't leave you falling, if they do, it's because you want to land."-Something Corporate

anawnda
Member

since 2002-07-26

Posts 113

3 posted 2002-07-29 01:45 AM

i know how you feel, nice poem i hope to read more of your work

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

4 posted 2002-07-29 03:47 AM

I liked this. I can relate to it too well... Oh well, I guess that's life. I enjoyed reading it, thanks for posting.

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

5 posted 2002-07-29 11:40 PM

Very depressed poem. You did a good job at expressing your emotion, and the flow is pretty good. As far as it seeming unfinished, I feel that that was part of the point, and would suggest leaving that unaltered. Nice Work.

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