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Waiting for Indigo
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Waiting for Indigo |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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i pray for indigo like peril in a cup sacrificing borrowed straws to hollows don't believe i might control my self i fear into a sky without conviction crouching low on currents like perfect suns waiting for indigo 's so unlight i pray to hollows instead |
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| © Copyright 2002 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
I am not seeing the purpose of the staggered lines. I don't think it is benefiting the poem. But that is just me, I am not a big fan of staggered lines, to me they are just a distraction from the words. Casey P.S. And just so I don't have to respond to the people who come after me and say I am wrong and that it is wonderful. I don't care, don't bother if you want me to come in and argue. I am sick of arguing with people that can't type out the word to or spell the word said. If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
They have a purpose, but thanks for your input. I'll smush them together and see how it appeals to me. Umm.. what does that "p.s" have to do with my poem? I apologize for being selfish but I don't expect people to respond to others before it's even necessary...Just by posting that, I feel like I have to defend myself, not even on the topic of my own poem. Thanks, though, for your critique. Is there anything else I should look at? Like how well my message is getting across? Thanks again.  ~Carly "Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
I liked it... OOOOOOOOOH!!! The comment suggestions says NOT to say that! Well fine then...be that way!!!! Haha---now on a more serious note...Carly, your work has always been wonderfully crafted with the metaphors of your own mind! The great thing about your poetry is...only a select few can actually understand it! Some are even left to criticize broken lines, and mere spelling errors. Don't worry---it's not your fault!  Anyways, I actually quite enjoyed the use to the broken lines...even though I'm not a big fan of them! ^_^ I'm glad that you've come back to post at PiP! Come'on! Let's restore Teen Poetry!!! ^_^ ~ # 17 Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth... |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
I apologize that your poems had to be bogged down with that, but I have had a little 'fan club' that has followed me around on my critiques. I'm getting irritated by it and am hoping that that statement would possibly prevent it. No need to defend. Also, if it isn't your style to have normal spacing that's fine. I just usually tend to wonder what the specific purpose is. Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Casey---the point of a poem isn't to find out it's logic. For it's made up purley of human emotions and the mind---and if you try to make sense of it all...no wonder it never makes sense! Just read it...let it sink in---and let YOUR MIND comprehend it! Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth... |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Anyways...CARLY! You're back! ^^ Or maybe I've missed a few...er. Heh. ^_^; To be honest, I didn't really follow where the poem was going, or what the message was. I agree with Casey that the broken lines didn't help much. I found it confusing...*gets confused easily* o_O; However, there were some nice lines here: "peril in a cup" and "crouching low on currents like perfect suns" Though not the best I've read from you, you are still a very talented poet, and I always enjoy reading your posts! -Leah- [This message has been edited by chasing rain (07-25-2002 10:14 PM).] |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Hey, SweetPea---it's good to see you still lofting around here! ^_^ Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth... |
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devil_tongue Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 50 |
Hmmm...very interesting, Carly. Your opening stanza is exceptional as per usual. Without the staggered lines it wouldn't have the same affect so bravo. I'm getting quite a few messages out of this so I'm going to lock it away in my head and figure it out. Your writing has been dearly missed and it's nice to read it again. |
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