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Jenabou
Member

since 2000-06-13

Posts 215
Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA

0 posted 2002-04-22 03:40 PM

Over worked
and under paid
thats been my story
day after day
a ripened heart
turned black and blue
tortured
by the likes of you
empty promises
and torn letters
friends keep saying
"it will get better"
salty tears
and silenced screams
battle scars
with shattered dreams
dark demons
run away
I know its wrong
but I can't stay
Soiled thoughts
destorted memories
I often forget
you don't belong to me
Broken future
amazing past
somehow I thought
it'd always last
Missing man
I stand alone
while the silence
sets my tone

*for someone who's used to heartache,losing it all was just a matter of time*
Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle

[This message has been edited by Jenabou (04-22-2002 03:44 PM).]

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

1 posted 2002-04-22 05:59 PM

This was awesome....GREAT

I liekd the meter...and the thoughts behind it

COOL

~Lisa

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

2 posted 2002-04-22 06:19 PM

This was very well done. Very cool. *realizes that she is brain dead and needs sleep* I can't think. Sorry. This poem deserves a better response than this. Anyway, its good.

Kielo

dastard
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 55
in tearing silence

3 posted 2002-04-23 12:34 PM

most of the time we only come to appreciate things when htey're missing... nicely don here

"Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2002-04-23 01:58 PM

"He's getting a tatoo,
yeah he's getting ink done.
he asked for a thirteen -
but they drew a THIRTYONE.

Friend's say he's trying to hard,
that he's not that hip..."

Give it to me baby.

Jenabou, well done!

While I normally like poetry that has more spacing, more pauses, it worked well for this one.

"friends keep saying
"it will get better"
salty tears
and silenced screams
battle scars
with shattered dreams"

Those four lines... whoa. Damn good, girl! Simply great!

"Missing man"

Do you mean "missing man" or "missing my man?" If you meaning "missing man" what are you referring to? Mankind? Family/friends?

"I stand alone
while the silence
sets my tone"

I myself a fan of silience and solitude, absolutly love these lines. A splendid, splendid ending. Great work here.

Sincerely,
Titus

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convinience, but where he stands at times of challange and controversy.

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (04-23-2002 01:59 PM).]

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

5 posted 2002-04-25 05:30 PM

awesum, simply awesum. i can totally relate.
u expressed urself well in this poem. great job.

~if you want me to fall for you, you gotta give me something worth tripping over~

Cinderelly
Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 189
NM, USA

6 posted 2002-04-26 01:14 AM

Broken future
amazing past
somehow I thought
it'd always last

This is a great verse and an amesome poem! Good write . . .

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2002-04-26 12:27 PM

This was kinda dark and very sad. I enjoyed this a lot...thanks for sharing and keep up the great work!

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

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