Teen Poetry #5 |
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Eyes wide shut |
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xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
The walls are closing in, Faster than i can comprehend. Sometimes i feel as though, I am my only friend. Wish i can close my eyes, Wash the reality away with my dreams. Wish life wasnt so... So horrible as it seems. When life isnt on your side, And fate is waiting for you around the corner. Who are you suppose to be? The optimistic or the mourner? All i crave is to run, I want to see the lights fly by like streaks. But my only option is to stay, Feeling oh so vulnerable and weak. The walls are closing in, Faster than i can comprehend. Finding comfort in the thought, That each second gone by brings me closer to the end. iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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© Copyright 2002 Michele - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA![]() ![]()
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
very dark poem....I liked it all except maybe the end was too dark for me, but it goes well within the poem ![]() |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oooo very dark, Michele. ![]() I can relate to a lot of what you've written in here. The message is chilling but it keeps us going in a sense. You've expressed yourself well and painted a really haunting scene. The walls are closing in, Faster than i can comprehend. Finding comfort in the thought, That each second gone by brings me closer to the end. I love those lines. They run together so well. That final line is extremely comforting and so very true. Thank you for sharing this. Much enjoyed. ![]() ~AF~ "Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy." - Susanna Kaysen |
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lone_poet707 Member
since 2001-11-17
Posts 70black hole named Aylmer |
ooh....deep and dark, just the way i like them. This piece is so amazing, i hafta add it to the library! -Joe |
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Ses Junior Member
since 2001-03-16
Posts 14The Mountain State |
Hey - its me, Tamma. Anyway, I know exactly what you are describing in this poem. Sometymes, I've had this exact same feeling, take it from someone with "experience", it will get better, I promise. ~Tamma "Ses" |
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Demonic Illusion Member
since 2002-02-07
Posts 50 |
im gonna be the one to not say ive been there cuz everyone has at some point in their life....great poem really enjoyed it Demonic Illusions, Frostic Dragons, Bloody Tears From Me To You....all surround by a force of Untouchable Darkness |
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Allysa![]() ![]()
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I agree w/ Lizzy, those are my fave lines in this. Great write! |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
This was really good...it showed your emotion well...Great Write! ~Lisa |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This one was awesome. I really connected with this one.I don't know what else to say... Guess it was that good Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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Skyfire![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Can't believe I missed this one! Wow! Excellent write! I don't know what else to say... *hugs* I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
"Sometimes i feel as though, I am my only friend" awwwwww *hugs* you know we're here for you sweetie.. ![]() life's tough, but you know youve got steel-capped boots to kick it in its arse when it treats you like crap michele!...gof or it girly...and know that youre welcome to email me anytime ok? nicely written, VERY powerful indeedy ![]() ![]() Zombie |
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Marshalzu![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great work I really enjoyed the read and thank you for sharing it with us ![]() Andrew "The pin didn't drop it came and crashed down" |
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anonymous albert ?![]()
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
"Wish life wasnt so... So horrible as it seems." *sigh* I can relate. "But my only option is to stay," that seems to be MY option, also. "The walls are closing in, Faster than i can comprehend. Finding comfort in the thought, That each second gone by brings me closer to the end." Its powerful and melancholy yet dark. *hugs* hope all is well. "Dont piss me off, Im runing out of places to hide the bodies." [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (03-18-2002 10:42 PM).] |
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ShortSexyAngelOnEarth Junior Member
since 2001-12-24
Posts 36im a louisiana cajun princess! lol |
hey good job, very dark, i like it |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Wow... lol... everyone writes better than me... ![]() Seriously though, you wrote this beautifully, and my personal inclination toward darker poetry enhanced the beauty of it in my mind. Very awesome. (Is that proper grammar? Ah... who cares...) Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing. |
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xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Wow...thank you all so much for replying and taking the time to read it ![]() ![]() iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
wow, i REALLY liked this one, its got a place in my library. lol. this was a dark poem yes, but still awesum none the less. great write. ![]() ~If u luv something, let it go,if it comes back 2 u, its urs, if it doesnt, it never wuz..~DMX |
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inspiredpoetwriter Member
since 2002-01-05
Posts 104Minnesota |
Hey :) Really good poem very dark like everyone has says tho it'z really great keep it up! :) ;) Smile ¥¤¥¤¥¥¤¥¤¥iM a PoEt WhO wRiTeZ Wit HeR Heart ¥¤¥¤¥¥¤¥¤¥ |
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Starr Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100 |
Beautifully written ![]() I do think this was dark but I think it shows a side of life not many like to see.. Reality is something that needs to be seen at times. Love this one ![]() Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity. |
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