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Teen Poetry #5
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Shooting Stars
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Shooting Stars |
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TigerZ Member
since 2002-01-02
Posts 83Ontario, Canada |
Shooting Stars They say if you wish upon a shooting star, You may be granted your wish… So I’m going to make my wish right now, Upon a shooting star. “Star light, star bright…I wish I may, I wish I might… be granted this wish, I wish tonight.” All those girls at school, They say they are my friends, But good enough for them I only am… When they want answers to homework or tests. All the other times, they make fun of me. I know they only mean to joke… But can’t they see that it hurts? They are nice to me sometimes I will admit… Aren’t true friends supposed to help? So now I lay here on my back… Tears streaming down my face ‘cause of the hurtful words they say each day. I make my wish and hope it comes true… So I can be happy tomorrow… When I have to face them once again. *~*~*~*~*~*~ i dont like this one very much at all...if you have any suggestions please let me know... A life without love…is no life at all. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Leandie Erasmus - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
THis is a nice poem. You never really explain what you wish for. I mean, we can get the idea of what it is, butI think it would help the poem alot if you went into a little more depth and included your wish. Just an idea... Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Unlike Jon I dont think you need to get into deeper thoughts with this...My opinion its all summed up in the poem...You did it and you greatly expressed yourself... ~ShAtTeReD mEmOrIeS, |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought the poem was done well and your thoughts are nice, but the WISH itself didn't come across as easily as the actual topic you were trying to portray. You said you wished on the star, but never really pointed out as to what your wish actually was. I could try my intelligence and presume that the wish was for the girls to be your friends, true friends, but I wouldn't be the kind of poet to do so because a poem can go so beyond the actual words or picture written. I liked the poem though, I think you did well and it has immense potential.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell |
I like this one a lot. I can totally relate to it..maybe I should send this to some of my so-called friends... I give a whole new meaning to the word 'sad.' |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
this might not make any sense so my apologies now...while i was reading the poem, i kinda thought to myself "soooo what exactly is her wish?" cuz it never did say specifically...but by the time you finish reading it, you can guess what the wish is and it's kind of interesting that it's never directly said, almost like the wisher is too hurt or scared to say it and it kind of makes for a good effect. Maybe I'm just nuts tho  Anyway, excellent job. Good description of your feelings ((hugs)) those kind of girls arent worth ur time anyway The day you were born, you were born free |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I've had to wish upon a star b4 because of my friends..slightly different wishes but the same overall kinda thing u were goin for..i liked it mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo" |
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