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laconic
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 64
Melbourne, Australia

0 posted 2002-02-17 07:58 AM

The time for talking is long gone by
our love has died, yet we survive
two beings that used to be one
now just fell apart and done.

the shattered pieces of a broken heart
relfects the misery of our depart(ure)
this world is bleak...unsightly
i miss you girl, dont take my words lightly

i know it seems that nothing is real
a facade, my love seems so unreal
unnatural and too deep for safe return
maybe i was fooling you, maybe i was fooling me
but in the end it was my heart you burned

i know we weren't right for each other
but how many perfect couples do u know lover?
in no relationship is everything sunshine
theres always a dark side lurking behind

the key to the plot
u should have never forgot
is that i love you
still do... and thats a fact.
no words can describe a feeling like that.

i miss you... thats all there is to kno...

copyright 2002 luke zhang... :P haha

[This message has been edited by laconic (02-17-2002 08:00 AM).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2002-02-17 10:56 AM

this is so heartfelt and carries such an impact...I hope you gave this to her.... awesome writing

See me?
Member

since 2002-02-13

Posts 93
UK

2 posted 2002-02-17 01:01 PM

this is amazing and i can relate so well. its lovely. Would you mind if i showed this to my ex who i love still very much. feel free to say no. love Clare x

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

3 posted 2002-02-17 06:23 PM

Iaconic,

Welcome to Passions. This is a very powerful poem. I hope things might work out for you and your girlfriend.

Dawn

laconic
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 64
Melbourne, Australia

4 posted 2002-02-18 03:30 AM

quote:
this is amazing and i can relate so well. its lovely. Would you mind if i showed this to my ex who i love still very much. feel free to say no. love Clare x

yeah sure, i dont mind sharing

my inspiration has drained like perspiration//i'm empty like hemp i been smoked dry...*sigh*

Wood_Stock
Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 58
The little yellow

5 posted 2002-02-19 08:07 AM

Ahhhh...

Genius, once more.  I'm really liking what I read.

This, I guess is what everyone fears, this and of course, that you like your better half more than she/he likes you...

and in that darkness lurking, as you say, is the greatest daemon, and relationship destroyer, petty jelousy's.
IGNORE IT I SAY!!  THEY LIKE YOU, don't screw it up over something so silly!!!!

*ahem*

Keep it up.

Wood_Stock

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2002-02-19 10:41 AM

wow hun...this had so much feeling and like Sea said it was extremely heartfelt. Great piece...

mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2002-02-21 02:18 AM

I enjoyed the poem and thought it was good. The only thing I can see that was a bit off was the flow of the poem. Syllables, is what I'm referring to. Some writers care about such a thing, and some don't. I'm just kindly pointing it out in case you do

I hope to see more of your insightful work.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

laconic
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 64
Melbourne, Australia

8 posted 2002-02-23 08:23 AM

thanks dope.... sy-la-bles are these things rite?

i'll work em into the next one once my head clears...

my inspiration has drained like perspiration ..again i'm empty like hemp i been smoked dry...*sigh*

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