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Renegade Rogue
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Renegade Rogue |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. 
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Renegade Rogue, Encouraged by reprisal. Love is replaced by lust. Feelings are considered over-rated. And I, I am always expendable... So confidant while in the act, Yet you seek reprieve soon after. Such an inept person... Why is it so hard to place the appropriate feelings with the corresponding person? Please, liberate me from this iron grip. So sick of being held captive by your selfish purposes. Though, am I as equally to blame? Consciously allowing you to satiate your revenge. Foolish hopes and false desires, Crushed with just a quick swipe of your tongue Leaving me laying helpless, Choking on my hearts own shards. But you, You remain unaltered. Just clean your hands and walk away... On to your next victim. (Ya, I know...it's a "eh..." nothing great....Oh well, I feel better. HaHa. Tis all that matters I guess...Have fun, tear it to shreds.) "I'd rather die purposely alone than to have lived an accidental life of solitude."- Jesa "§ùgã®" Thompson [This message has been edited by Spice (01-04-2002 01:48 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jessica L. Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
This was great, i really liked it alot. [This message has been edited by LoneWolf (01-04-2002 02:29 AM).] |
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C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
I really like yer style! its chaos of rhythm really enforced the tone very nicely! well done! |
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xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
NiCe JoB sPiCe!!!! hehehe I really enjoyed this!! Thanks for sharing  ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
 Post from Jesa?! Wow... this really is my lucky day, eh??  Okay... I'm going to give you my critique. I'm in critique mode again... so here goes: Well, first of all, do I know who it's about? I think I have a clue... grudge-filled poems are always the best, eh? The first line alone is filled with bitterness. Using the word "rogue" alone says a lot. Very strong word to use, there. Feelings are considered over-rated. And I, I am always expendable... I love the way you put metre to poetry that has no rhyme whatsoever. The repitition here with I makes that stronger, and makes the bitterness more evident. I like that. So confidant while in the act, Yet you seek reprieve soon after. Such an inept person... Why is it so hard to place the appropriate feelings with the corresponding person? Man, whoever this poem is written for is really getting it. These are very strong lines. I like the question... places more emphasis and power on exactly the way you're feeling. Please, liberate me from this iron grip. So sick of being held captive by your selfish purposes. Though, am I as equally to blame? Consciously allowing you to satiate your revenge. I love the language you use in your poetry. It always makes for an interesting read. (in a good way). It's evident when your muse really comes alive These lines tell me how maybe you're feeling dumb for falling for it. For sticking with it for so long... sorry if I'm way off track. This is just my interpretation...Foolish hopes and false desires, Crushed with just a quick swipe of your tongue Leaving me laying helpless, Choking on my hearts own shards. These lines are by far my favorite in the poem. "Crushed with just a quick swipe of your tongue"... that really says how one word really can change everything. The only critique I have here, is you say "leaving me" and then only a few lines later, you say "you remain". Those are a little contradictory, but I only mentioned it because I need something to critique, and am finding that pretty difficult But you, You remain unaltered. Just clean your hands and walk away... On to your next victim. Then ending is just as strong as the rest of the poem, and really sums up your feelings. It comes to a complete end... the cycle continues with someone else. Strong. I really liked this, Jesa. It's a joy reading your work, you share it very seldom. But I'm glad some good came out of this situation... you got good poetry out of it I really enjoyed this. Post more... soon... *hugs* --Marie "It was a long December, but there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." (Counting Crows) |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Aargh... *kicks herself* Got to remember... to click... the button...  "It was a long December, but there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." (Counting Crows) |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
No, this isn't just an "eh, nothing great", i liked it very much... It's very deep and you expressed so many emotions in a way that is just incredible...amazing work!!  ~*Nikki*~ *~Fighting for your love~* |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Jeeze, Jesa. Amazing piece of writing here. I am so damn buzzed out right now but this is a wowish piece. Your usage of such colourful words really brings the piece alive! I love what you've done with the bold and italics. Nice work of the HTML code there, chicka. It shows a different side to it. If they weren't bold, I probably would have missed them in my state. Rage pieces are totally kick ass and you pull them off with such a magical power each and every time. The amount of passion that goes into them is exceedingly good. You should be proud of your angry pieces. In fact, you should be proud of all your pieces. Happy pieces are so overrated. It's only a matter of time before they come crashing down to reality and discover it sucks just as much as everything else does. OK I'm going off track a little *thinks* but yeah, wonderful piece. I'm so proud of you! *wipes away a tear* hahahaha...oiy... Stopping now. Just know that I love it and it rocks and you're a great writer! Wizzy If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Haven't had a whole lotta time to come around Passions but I did it at the right time. Great to see a post from you. Not my fav. by you, but it was still great. The first verse was very powerful. Post more soon JOn "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Wow. That's all I hafta say. I also hafta say that I enjoy the boldness at the beginning... Don't let your mind wander, it's much to small to be out by itself. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Jesa Jesa Jesa!!! Nice work... I've got to go to work but...I'll reply better later. "You are the strength, that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting." |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Ok here I am as promised. ~So confidant while in the act, Yet you seek reprieve soon after. Such an inept person... Why is it so hard to place the appropriate feelings with the corresponding person?~ Ooh Jesa.. I really feel this here. so very honest. Right in your face....like...hello? Just make up your mind and run with it, you fickle piece of...*mumble* hehe sorry. ~Please, liberate me from this iron grip. So sick of being held captive by your selfish purposes. Though, am I as equally to blame? Consciously allowing you to satiate your revenge.~ Dang straight. It's like you get so angry at the other person and you feel so used, but in this sudden light, you see you have fault for letting it happen. You feel so much blame suddenly, because you allowed yourself to be put in that position. grrr if you can't tell I relate well.  You know I can just put your feelings right where they stem from. Just see this occurring. In the end Jesa...make it what makes you happy. Release yourself from the "iron grip". You'll feel better GREAT work at displaying your emotion. Jenn "You are the strength, that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Jesa --- this is probably your best piece Do I actually know what this is all about? I think I do Hang in there and be strong You can only be hurt if you allow yourself to be keep the writing coming thanks là où est mon amour? |
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Mon Cherie
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922Land of Never-ending Summers |
I am not a terrific poet, so when I read the posts here, I'm reading more for the feeling behind it, than for the technique used.  Yours is certainly one of a kind. Well, all I can say is, free yourself from this person!!! You might feel terrible at first, but the freedom will soon take over the sadness. Don't let him hurt you anymore.And yeah, I agree with you... Just posting a poem here makes one feel so much better, it doesn't really matter if it is being ripped apart.  _,,,^.^,,,_ |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Thanks for the replies everyone. I'll do personal replies later... I just wanted to make a quick note to say that to those of you who "think they know" what it's about...may be right to an extent...However, it's actually a cross between 2 people...pulling bits and pieces from both sides to make one....AND lets remember that this "poem" was written while I was incredibly pissed and hurt...After long thoughts and blah I've realized that one person is never solely to blame...I have another "poem" in the works right now that is focusing ALOT on me and my darling manipulative ways...However it's incomplete at the moment...In due time folks...In due time. "I thought that a girlfriend could be like an addition to life....something that would make it better." - Møroûxshî_§åñ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
as long as you ok its cool  là où est mon amour? |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Oh wow, what a wonderful piece Spice. I loved it tremdously. it was a very different and unique way to write. I love the newness of your style with this one! Lines like this: But you, You remain unaltered. Wow! I mean, the wrod choice, everythign. very wonderfully done.  Keep it up. I'm looking forward to more. Sincerely, Titus Smile, Jesus loves you. :) |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
KICK ass piece, Jesa! your as I always saying becoming a better writer in each and everything you post. Im loving this more so...the WHOLE piece fitted as a piece...the last verses, "Just clean your hands and walk away... On to your next victim." WOW, talk about a powerblowingknockout ending [HeHe] More says I! ya her? ^_^ "Dont piss me off. Im runing out of places to hide the bodies." [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (02-06-2002 01:48 AM).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
"Why is it so hard to place the appropriate feelings with the corresponding person?" PHWOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!!.....more power to the woman in the red writing!! this is kick butt jesa. felt as though you were screaming and screaming. theres so much anger in this...(i love it when you vent- it brings out amazing pieces like this). truly powerful stuff jesa. post more now damnit! soooo in the library! life's not about who wins or loses, or about whos got the better car,or the most money. it's about living,and trying to make the best of what we have. |
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sean mani Junior Member
since 2001-08-06
Posts 27 |
hmm...i like the way u have written this poem...its pretty strong..like a true poet must express his feelings in his/her poem |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Spice, I love the way you have expressed your emotions so well in this poem. I hope things get better for you soon. Dawn |
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