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Naoyo Kimura
New Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 3

0 posted 2001-12-31 04:51 PM

"Whispering Willows"

While the whispering willows silently weep,
I close my eyes awaiting sleep.
Knowing soon I shall die,
the wish to do so I cannot deny.

I seek only a long night's relief,
no matter how brief.
I seek only somewhere to go,
where the pain I will not know.

The fireflies, they dance in my head,
trying to make me get out of bed.
Please make them go away,
I do not wish to play today.

The people, they talk and laugh with glee,
to finally be rid of me.
I see them come and I see them go,
but one thing they do not know.

You finally hurt me this bad,
I am more than just sad.
Now I know I must go.
This pain called love will only grow.

I am not gone for good,
not the way I really should.
Will I forever be in this hell?
There is no way to tell.

Just let them soon come for me.
Please let my soul be set free.
As the whispering willows silently weep,
I only ask for my final sleep.

As the whispering willows silently weep,
I only ask for my final sleep.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

1 posted 2001-12-31 05:47 PM

First of all welcome to passions! and i really enjoyed yo9ur poem!
I hope u continue to share with us.

Regina

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

2 posted 2002-01-01 04:45 AM

very very good. oh and welcome to passions!

repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2002-01-01 08:49 AM

Welcome to Passions! I think you're going to like it around here!

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

4 posted 2002-01-01 11:08 PM

Welcome to the Jungle!
I love this.
You set it up well
and flow is beautiful through out
the whole thing.
The message is clear and powerful.
Great work!
Can't wait to read more!
See ya around..
~jen

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

5 posted 2002-01-01 11:50 PM

hello!! I'm new to this forum thing too, but you'll find everyone around here is very nice and very helpful!!

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

6 posted 2002-01-02 03:06 AM

Very nice poem I really like it keep up the awsome work.
Lauren

"I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind

Lisa_bebe15
Member

since 2001-11-15

Posts 151
Florida

7 posted 2002-01-02 12:11 PM

very nice! I once was new..we all where.. I hope you enjoy pip..like I have..just keep writing..and I will keep reading..I hope you enjoy pip as much as I!

"Water Over Matter"

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2002-01-03 12:14 PM

Welcome to Passions in Poetry!

I enjoyed this. Nice rhyme scheme, and images were well-portrayed.

Very nice first post. I look forward to reading more!

--Marie

"It was a long December, and there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." (Counting Crows)

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

9 posted 2002-01-03 02:52 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!

erm, yeah. Great poem....

Okay, got to go.....

I need more sugar.....

Don't let your mind wander, it's much to small to be out by itself.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

10 posted 2002-01-04 04:34 PM

Loved it! Loved it, loved it, loved it. It's an amazing poem for a new member. Very smooth, with great flow. The storyline made sense, as well... um, what am I trying to say? Hmm... The plot flowed, with no jerks or janks. Beginning, middle and end made muhc sense. =)

Oh, one thought about these two lines:

You finally hurt me this bad,
I am more than just sad.

To maybe...

You finally hurt me so very bad,
I am more than just a little sad.

Or:

You finally hurt me much to bad,
I am more than just a little sad.

Just a thought. Anyway, great stuff. Keep it coming, and welcome!

Sincerely,
Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

gymnast
Member

since 2001-11-18

Posts 80
Scotland.

11 posted 2002-01-04 06:24 PM

Welcome To The Forums!!!! This is a great poem to introduce yourself with! I LOVE it, it's BRILL!!! Keep up the good work, i can't wait to see more!!!!!

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