Teen Poetry #5 |
Infinitum" - Return of the Muse... |
chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
"I look up..." And twisting stony walls pass me by As angels spiral down from the architechture Of the temple's sillhouette against the marble sky... 'I remembered once of sugared plums within a tree And the sapphire hand that once possessed the world's mosaic structure Of broken glass and air: Forgotten jewel, How we miss thee. I saw a candle flicker in the night An understatement of the sudden vault between the stygian cave And the verve that illuminates the vision of Paradise- Within a mind. Out of reach, yet so close within our dreams at night, We tremble as children do As our wings trace the fingers that you longingly desire A fleeting thought of feathers that...' Falls from the spire up above As twisting stony walls pass me by And angels spiral down from the architechture Of the temple's sillhouette against the marble sky... "...and up..." + + + + + My muse returned, finally. FINALLY!!! *shakes fist at Steve-bob, her muse* It took a simple picture to inspire me. One of those really awesome pictures where they show the roof of a church with angels painted all over it. I don't know how they do it...I wonder if they get dizzy. I apologize for the wide spread ideas popping up everywhere. I know it gets confusing. So, here's my explanation if you need it: The first and last lines in "double-quotation" are together. The third stanza in 'quotation' melts into the fourth stanza. The fourth stanza takes lines from the second stanza (although the "as" and "and" are switched around) to unite the entire piece. Framed by the first and last "double-quotation" lines, it borders everything inbetween. If you want a more indepth (symbolic wise) of the poem, I'll post it laters. Now if that wasn't the most confusing thing you've ever read, I highly suggest ESP training. Just thought I'd share a bit of thoughts (my thoughts) with you. ^_^ I'd say this one is one of the better poems. *yay* *Steve-bob applauds himself* oO; ++ Leah ++ Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... [This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 12-02-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
Knight of Secrecy Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Good poem here Leah, I liked the language you used in it. -C.M. "I feel the sting of an insignificant wasp, and yet, I fear that I am alergic" |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Lol, ahh! So THAT's your muse? He's served you well---YET AGAIN! "Fighting was the only thing I was good at...but I at least I always fought for what I beleived in..." |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
this is beautifully written, you really did a wonderful job with this. it reminds me of something but i dunno what. anyway, good job with this Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Nicely Done ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
First off, I'd like to say a cute little four letter word, just because it's fun to say and, well, because it's cute! ... And no, not everything is cute. Anyways... *ahem* ^_^ Time to announce the kawaii word of the day... *BUMP* This poem deserves a bump. ^^ Ish kawaiiness... it makes you a little dizzy reading it, maybe because I'm hungry, but! The way the poem seems to spin around because of the diction and everything... it really adds a level of charm to the image and leaves the reader with the impression that you noted in the endnote. =) The images seemed half tangible, half intangible, making the poem have a feeling of abstractness. And, the way the poem cycled back to the beginning gave the cycle effect of making you feel an idea of repetition, rather than the idea of conclusion, making the title match really well... abstraction and cycles give this poem a dizzying effect that you often get when looking up... and up... and up... My favorite image was actually the one with the feathers... "As our wings trace the fingers that you longingly desire / A fleeting thought of feathers that..." ^__^ I dunno why, but that had lossa charm, in my opinion, and those were the lines that really stood out, even moreso than the first and last ones. ^_^ And they trailed off, and painted a pretty image on the ceiling at the same time... sugoiness! ^_^ Next in rank are the marble skies, and the silhouette of the temple... ^__^ Which also I thought were as neat as the first and last lines. But that's just me and my preferences. And I'm weird, insane, psychotic, and evil hideous... so my opinion is pretty differe... wait, they're exactly the same as most people's, since everyone is that way. ^_^ *evil laughter* This poem was really worth coming back to Passions for... =) Thanks for sharing, Leah. ^_^ Keep on writing and uh... pay Steve-bob more, because I think that's why he's not coming back as often. ^_^ Or offer CHOCOLATE! ^_^ Yes, that's the ticket... until next time, Leah. ^_^v Ja! - holatuwol |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
HURA FOR YOUR MUSE!!! *lights a sparkler in honour of the muse* Marvellous piece of writing Leah. Great imagery with a ton of (would you believe it? )symbolism! I seriously can't think of anything to say how much I enjoyed this, Leah. Just like all your other pieces, it's a work of art!! Well done. ~AF~ Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
applauds Steve-Bob Ya know you're great in poetry girl, I just wanna hug you over and over that was an awesome read I bow in your presence là où est mon amour? |
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