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rolly_polly
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 41
puerto rico

0 posted 2001-11-29 06:04 PM

Becoming…

Desire speaks in the silence
Tangled souls dissolve
Questions left unanswered
Soaked bodies light up
Freedom cries victory
Pain becomes mere lust
Innocence is stripped away
Love, yet not known

~Ok so this really sucks but i dunno i felt like posting it..blah to me!

~parallel universe~

Poet Unknown
Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 140
Missouri

1 posted 2001-11-29 06:10 PM

hmmm *claps* i actually liked it

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

2 posted 2001-11-29 10:58 PM

rola this is blah!

...in its finest form hehehe...no actually i thought it was good. i liked the last line

i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun!

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

3 posted 2001-11-30 12:20 PM

i think you have some good lines in this and it would be really interesting to take a line from this piece and make it the focus of another poem. just a thought. i liked the last too.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

4 posted 2001-11-30 01:19 PM

I liked the way you put this together and I think the title really explains it well. Nice work here!!

~*Nikki*~

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-11-30 01:31 PM

I thought you did very well on this one one Mariola. I especially liked the ending. I love your poetry. Keep on posting it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

deadeyes
Junior Member

since 2001-11-07

Posts 33

6 posted 2001-11-30 01:47 PM

Haha simple yet meaningful Mar. It seems as if you took your thoughts and experiences and elaborated them with realism and love. Not to mention very sensual which is always nice. First time I read something of yours keep it up.

JE

fulanodetal3684
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 19

7 posted 2001-11-30 02:48 PM

I liked it, its concise and expresses, I guess, an intense moment
Its better than you actually may think, keep on posting! I am eager to read more of your stuff!

rolly_polly
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 41
puerto rico

8 posted 2001-12-01 01:27 PM

Thanx for all the posts you guys

It is my belief that this poem still blows but hey! lol

~parallel universe~

Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

9 posted 2001-12-03 08:15 PM

Hey good poem here, i like it, but I think its not that easily understood when you don't know what its about. Nicely done.

-C.M.

"I feel the sting of an insignificant wasp, and yet, I fear that I am alergic"

Winston Froom
Junior Member

since 2001-11-28

Posts 32

10 posted 2001-12-04 12:12 PM

Alright, great verse woman! All the characteristics for which I know you are somehow in this piece. I'm glad I got to see one of your (many) artforms in this piece. Looking forward for moooreee.

.........W.F.

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

11 posted 2001-12-04 01:30 AM

I really like this piece very well done keep up the great work.
Lauren

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

12 posted 2001-12-05 10:09 AM

this definately DOESNT SUCK!!!!! I liked it a lot!!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Crash&Burn
Member

since 2001-01-18

Posts 119

13 posted 2001-12-06 09:01 PM

Very intersting roly, I really liked hwo you mixed the diferent ideas, every line created an image in my head that lead to the next line. Interesting read, I liked it keep it up.

I see the darkness coming all is bleak...

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

14 posted 2001-12-07 12:07 PM

Rolly, this has provoked some thoughts for me so I don't think it sucks at all. In fact, I rather like it.

Thanks for the read.

~AF~

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

15 posted 2001-12-12 05:47 PM

hmmmm....I'm not sure what the last 2 lines mean, but man am I being challenged to think on this one.

great job rolly
keep it up

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

16 posted 2001-12-24 06:23 PM

*provoked thoughts wanders in parelle universe* the way you w rote it was nicely done...thanks for sharing...i enjoyed it.

Hey...#25437
What!
You in there?
Yea, im in here.
ok

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (12-24-2001 07:07 PM).]

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