Teen Poetry #5 |
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The Chaos of My Broken Spirit |
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K. Rebel Junior Member
since 2001-10-21
Posts 40San Juan, PR |
The chaos of my broken spirit blackens the endless soul of this wonderful world, rots the beauty within you. It swallows my life, as if I where to dissapear, as if this burden will cease from existance. The path of my heart seems clear, death is to fall upon me, the Sun of another world, will shine my life with perfection. I shall remain there for evermore, waiting for you to join me, as you live your life with beauty, as I scream to my perfection, how lost I feel within me, in the chaos of my broken spirit. |
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© Copyright 2001 Danny Brown - All Rights Reserved | |||
Knight of Secrecy Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Good job. Sorry to say this but the poem is so full of emotion that it almost looses some coherence, but then again thats what a good poem is made of! Emotion! -C.M. "I feel the sting of an insignificant wasp, and yet, I fear that I am alergic" |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
there is a certain chaos within all of us.. standing before the love and truth in our lives.. look torwards the truth.. Love is God. Love is war. Love is what your life is for. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
oh danny i liked this one loads. i thought it was really stellar...keep writing... ![]() ![]() ![]() i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun! [This message has been edited by cherish (edited 11-30-2001).] |
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DawnG![]() ![]()
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Danny, The amount of emotion you convey here is amazing. Great write. Dawn |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
"as you live your life with beauty, as I scream to my perfection, how lost I feel within me, in the chaos of my broken spirit." ^^ Definitely my favorite lines. I'm beginning to see the talent I missed while I was away. This was a beautiful piece. The flow was very well done. Nice work! I enjoyed this muchos.. I can't wait to read more... --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
The last lines where beautifully done I'm very impressed with that stanza keep it up là où est mon amour? |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I love your ending lines. I could really relate to them well. You've done a good job with this, Danny, be proud. Hopefully, we'll see more of you around here soon. ![]() ~AF~ Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner. |
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