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fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-07-05 04:49 AM

A Dream

What kind of dreams are said i to the mirror; what ever kindoffool believes him(her)self a dream; is st'ru,g/glin,g through there words at a pace-set for a workhourse and you know that no body(human or otherwise)could fool the devil, but you sure as hell can trick yourself.  Stunt change for the Devil
ddddDream
      That joltsme awake      }living world
who killed who? fantasy vs reality? fantasy vs. itself

     hours of thinking
     (the subject herein
      a cherrywood desk of love
   not yet (carved)
now quotable cannot be redeemed as it pertains
to the man in the mirror

    )She misses me
     she willnot a
     llow me to go
     kicking her v
     oice slightly
     yet it is not
     Right(
jumping sad rings or gracious nights can't help
but think of fantasia or (otherwise unreleased
periods of art submitted by some artling welp
patron of some rat infested and pretty deceased
squares of fantasia)great danes are horses cursed
or blessed as any dog sized horse would assertain
"great" as a prefix ending to death first
blemishing historic character to begin entertain
ing, hiccups for time passed by hippos underMichigan
suns know not of the dreams dreamt (dreaming)
by some child who for the most part has never been
to [Virginia] accounts for a million Shes being more
than seeming.                        Stars

Won'tcha be with me?
Check yes or no.            yes         no

"This is cactus land!!!"-T.S.Eliot

the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

1 posted 2001-07-05 08:25 AM

good stuff man the format of it threw me off but over all it was some good stuff until next time

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

2 posted 2001-07-05 10:38 AM

I agree the format is well

but the peom and material was

well good poem i enjoyed it.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2001-07-05 10:41 AM

I thought this was great, the format especially was good and I really enjoyed the read... hope to see more like these in the future.
Andrew

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-07-05 11:57 AM

You always imress me, Foz. The format, interesting as it is, is VERY appropriate for this poem. Your style of writing is very unique and creative... I enjoy reading your work. Thanks for sharing this, and I hope to see more soon

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

5 posted 2001-07-05 11:58 AM

Foz
cool work..
i just kind of got lost in the format, there was nothing wrong with it, i just had a tough time flowing with it..
it was original!!

$ Jeff $ : )

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

6 posted 2001-07-05 12:37 PM

I liked the format, though it threw me off in a few spots. Very interesting write her. I liked it alot.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-07-06 02:21 AM

enjoyed the format...great job!

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-07-07 04:53 PM

Awesome job here. I did like the format but found it to be a bit incoherent in a few places. I felt that you put some parenthesis in certain spots JUST BECAUSE.....I don't know, but anyhow the format was great all together. I loved the ending. Very creative way to end off the poem. My favorite line was: "who killed who? fantasy vs reality? fantasy vs. itself"
The best part of it is the last one.....fantasy vs. itself......I loved that.
Very nicely done here.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2001-07-12 02:37 PM

interesting concept/style here
Still a great read though
keep it up
thanks for sharing

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

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