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NathanS
Member

since 2001-09-27

Posts 106
CA

0 posted 2001-10-29 08:39 PM

Well, i know i haven't posted here in a while, and i haven't been responding to much; so i myself really deserve no responding. But i just wrote this, and as usual, i thought i'd share.

Titled: Dream (best i could think of)

How many times,
have eyes been,
cast upon a heart.

Of all those times,
do people search,
for the one,
they wish thouart.

In a romantic shade,
of specific love,
does it end,
with push and shove

A dream we all,
want in someway,
how often do,
people let that,
dream simply slip,
away.

-Dreys
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
"My mother was a fish,

Give me the fish of my uncle!"

[This message has been edited by NathanS (edited 10-29-2001).]

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

1 posted 2001-10-29 11:05 PM

I think the title is fine. This poem is good, I like it anyway. I think it's a little confusing, but that could be that it's late. Keep up the good work!

Don't Drink and Park!
Accidents may cause People!

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

2 posted 2001-10-29 11:14 PM

Not bad, although not your best. Some good thoughts here...we all do let some of our dreams float away, ne? Horrible horrible thought. BAH.
*ahem* anyways...one suggestion:

"In a romantic shade,
of specific love,
does it end,
with push and shuv"

The spellin of "shove" didn't work for me. It almost ruined the mood of the stanza. You may want to change it, but that's up to you. ^^;
About not deserving responses:
If you post, we will reply...(I sound like an alien...yay.)

Just be sure to come back often and do the same. Doesn't have to be right away, just you know...enough. Hmm...maybe what you can do, if you're short on internet time is every time you post a poem, pick a poem, read it, and respond to it to the best of your ability. So, lets say you post 3 poems or something...reply to three poems. It'll do a lot of good. Just a thought. ^_^
Well, keep writing dreys!

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

3 posted 2001-10-29 11:41 PM

::agrees with leah::

and that's all that i have to say about that.

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2001-10-30 10:28 AM

I think the title is fine too...i enjoyed it..nice to see you posting again

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

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